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Tag Search Results For '-news flash!' (14)
Reason # 846 - Texans rejoice as McCartney’s face smashed in
Suck My Beatles | September 27th 2008 by DBeav
Hats off to the Lone Star State! For over a year brave Texans were forced to suffer under the terrible shadow of the FF regime (details here). Now, finally, one of the darkest chapters in Texas history can be closed. It began innocently enough, MopT read more
Reason #307 - Three Days In the Life of Lame
Suck My Beatles | May 26th 2008 by DBeav
Breaking News! Following a much maligned documentary drought lasting nearly fifteen minutes, beatlemart is finally back to work! To make up for their lack of productivity they’ve stunned the world by pumping out not one, but TWO brilliant new w read more
Reason # 141 - The Beatles Sucked, claims another former Beatle
Suck My Beatles | April 2nd 2008 by DBeav
Hot on the heels of our Liverpool Ache and other turd related exposés, Ringo Starr has finally relented his stance. Stepping down from his throne on Mount OhLoveUs in order to grant the mortals of Ireland Online an interview, for the first time h read more
Reason #1938.2 - Across the Universe *Update*
Suck My Beatles | February 6th 2008 by DBeav
People laughed, people scoffed, but a mere two months after we announced our plans for sending beatle fans into space on the Across the Universe Tour, NASA beat us to the quick by launching phase one for themselves. Hats off, drinks are on us! Li read more
Reason # 414 - Fit to be Necktied
Suck My Beatles | January 18th 2008 by DBeav
Beatlemart is finally putting out something of value, a John Lennon Necktie! In honor of this historic release we’ve designed a new style of knot to accompany it, the Knot Again. This is destined become an incredibly popular fad, like the ZZTop read more
Reason #663 - Fixing a Hair
Suck My Beatles | December 17th 2007 by DBeav
Breaking News! Thanks to SMB another devious FF plot was recently foiled in London. Gorringes Auction House put on the auction block a lock of the late beatle John Lennon’s hair. The fab follicles were sold to an unnamed bidder for the hefty su read more
Reason # 781 - Statues of Limitations
Suck My Beatles | December 11th 2007 by DBeav
Breaking News! Its just been reported that Liverpool has been overrun with cries to build a statue of the so called fifth beatle, Brian Epstein. This is fantastic news, Liverpool hasn’t erected a new statue of the beatles in nearly a month. Aus read more
Reason # 4279 - I’ll Follow The Sum
Suck My Beatles | November 28th 2007 by DBeav
Breaking News: Starbucks will soon be releasing the John Lennon iTunes video album. Thats right, you can now buy a crappy video with your crappucino! Soon you’ll be able to plop down a measly $25 for a sure-to-be-collectible John Lennon iTunes read more
Reason # 4297 - Rare Lennon Recording saves Christmas!
Suck My Beatles | November 16th 2007 by DBeav
Breaking news! The fine folks at Saachi and Saachi have done it again, and just in time for Chirstmas! Not content to sit back and bask in the glory of their world-renown diaper commercial The beatles are full of Crap, this brilliant ad company has read more
Reason # 571 - Hotel Hell
Suck My Beatles | November 9th 2007 by DBeav
You guessed it, very soon there will be a beatles hotel opening up in Liverpool called The Hard Day’s Night Hotel. The $40 million brainchild of Jonathan Davis, a rich bankers son funded by government money, is guaranteed to be a very classy af read more
Reason #531 - Help! It’s Back!
Suck My Beatles | November 5th 2007 by DBeav
Breaking News! In an renewed effort to puke out regurgitated fluff at the rate of a new release every five seconds, the fine folks at beatleMart have decided to re-release the unwatchable film, Help! This digitally remastered nightmare comes with 5.1 read more
Reason #901 - The beatles bring UK postal system to its knees.
Suck My Beatles | October 18th 2007 by DBeav
The Royal Mail ground to a halt this month when its workers staged the first nationwide walkout since ’96. As the toll from the strikes mounted, small firms struggled to cope and thousands of missed NHS appointments because hospital letters were st read more
Reason #948- Martin Scorsese loses mind!
Suck My Beatles | October 15th 2007 by DBeav
Scorcese describing how they inserted bamboo shoots under his fingernails until he agreed to this film. Martin Scorsese has been busy shooting some very popular music biographies over the past few years, the likes of which include, Bob Dylan: No Di read more
Reason # 947 - Underrated guitarist seeks recognition.
Suck My Beatles | October 7th 2007 by DBeav
The wonderful folks at Rolling Stone Magazine have once again brought us a comprehensive, impartial and unbiased list aimed at helping 14 year old girls, university students, and wanna be hipsters sound like they know something about music. If you f read more
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