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Tag Search Results For 'mock discourse' (9)
CSI: Adult Privacy Intrusion Kit
The Cult of Qelqoth | July 22nd 2008 by Qelqoth
Dear Trends UK Limited, I wish to draw your attention to your juvenile entertainment product, the CSI: Fingerprint Examination Kit. This product, intended for children aged ten and above, was recently purchased as a birthday present for my nephew. Al read more
Kobe Bryant Ready For Anal Encounter
The Cult of Qelqoth | June 23rd 2008 by Qelqoth
Los Angeles, CA — During the production of an exclusive rap music video, NBA superstar Shaquille O’Neal blathered on about Kobe Bryant, his failed marriage and how basketball just isn’t the same these days. Yet amidst all this emo read more
Bear Grylls on Prison Rape Survival
The Cult of Qelqoth | June 11th 2008 by Qelqoth
Leavenworth, KS –TCOQ was recently able to catch up with superstar Bear Grylls during the live production of a segment for his new prime-time television show, “How to Survive a Prison Rape.” The show - which focuses on tough love and recta read more
The Epic Struggle Continues
The Cult of Qelqoth | June 5th 2008 by Qelqoth
Comrades, these are crucial times for The Cult of Qelqoth. Our empire is growing and our lulz are strong. But we must never allow ourselves to become complacent. For if we fail to remain ever-vigilant, we may fall victim to the fiendish machinations read more
Chris Martin Fan Letter
The Cult of Qelqoth | June 3rd 2008 by Qelqoth
Hi Rev. Quelqoth, It’s Chris Martin of Coldplay here. I’ve finally found time to send you a note to say how much me Jonny, Guy, and Will enjoy your website. Your wacky, zany articles really made our days at Rockfield Studio less tiresome. read more
George Lopez Loses Mind
The Cult of Qelqoth | May 15th 2008 by Qelqoth
Los Angeles, CA — Actor and comedian George Lopez was released from Our Lady Peace mental health facility today after a tragic mishap earlier this month. Lopez was preforming at the Santa Ana Star Center in Rio Rancho when he apparently had a read more
Addict Speaks Out After Nine Year Pac-Man Binge
The Cult of Qelqoth | March 24th 2008 by Qelqoth
Frankfort, KY — Billy Joe Brackwurst, a former coin-op addict, waved goodbye to his troubled past as he took the first steps to rehabilitation earlier on this morning. The 32 year old father of seven (eight if you include the babysitter) had read more
Global Kredit Krunch Goes Primetime
The Cult of Qelqoth | March 24th 2008 by Qelqoth
Wall Street, NYC — The International Monetary Fund has expanded beyond world domination and has finally moved into the dog-eat-dog breakfast cereal industry. Their debut offering, Global Kredit Krunch, contains bite-size pieces of actual repos read more
Comedy Actor Infuriated By Satire
The Cult of Qelqoth | March 16th 2008 by Qelqoth
Montgomery County, MD — In a seemingly unlikely scenario, American actor and comedian Chevy Chase put his career to one side when he visited a town in Maryland named after him. On arrival, he booked into a wi-fi hotel and after logging onto hi read more
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