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- December 13th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Counterfeiter
I know a man who wears fake clothes. Well, the clothes are not fake because the cheap material is real, but the labels that the clothes hide behind are as a fake as the plastic flowers that sit on m…
- December 11th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Shaking Man
Two years ago today I began this blog with nothing but a dream of being a Writer and a lot of reluctance. My wife actually talked me into starting this blog since I was only writing in notebooks which…
- December 3rd, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States
I have decided to run for President of the United States. Sure this may come as a surprise to some you, but I am serious. The idea came to me while I was driving home last week from a job interview t…
- November 24th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Pains Of Puberty At The Age Of Thirty-Eight
“Better late than never,” my Bubi always used to say but I think “better never than late,” sometimes. Going through puberty at the age of thirty-eight is not easy on a grown m…
- November 18th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
In A Pile Of Leaves
I have a rather embarrassing confession to make, one that I hope you will not hold against me. I enjoy riding my bike into piles of leaves. I often ride my bike around town so that I can digest some…
- November 16th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Girl Of My Dreams.
Lately I have been horny. More so than is normal. Out of the corner of my wondering eye I watch women when they pass. Even though I do not suffer from a guilt complex- I notice my glances can contain…
- November 13th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Dear Readers
I just wanted to write you a note to explain why I pulled the entry “Tree Hugger” off of my blog. Lately I have been noticing that some of my blog entries are being copied and pasted to ot…
- November 3rd, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Free Bird?
I decided to open the bird-cage and let my two yellow parakeets fly freely around the room. After spending so much time confined in their cage I thought this would be a delectable treat. I did not wan…
- October 30th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Hangover
I am suffering from a bad hangover. A very bad hangover. Not even a shower seemed to help. It feels as if I have been stuffed with bags of sand and implanted with a metallic heart. My chest hurts. I a…
- October 29th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
“Meet The Author”
I have decided to take my writing career to its next logical level. After much pondering and consideration- I feel this to be an important and decisive move in the right direction. Over the years I ha…
- October 27th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Even Black Cats Get Depresssed
My cat buries himself beneath the blankets on my bed. He stays there all day- dormant as a doormat. He is an older cat whose biological clock is ticking past fifteen years. As a result of lingering ol…
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Hiding From The Wind
The wind is blowing outside my window. It is maniacal and insistent. If I did not know better I would think that the wind was trying to break into my house. On windy days- I do not go outside. I hide…
- October 10th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
How Facebook Saved My Life
I used to be a very solitary man. I envied authors like J.D. Salinger and Thomas Pynchon for their anonymity. “The Invisible Man,” by Ralph Ellison was my favorite novel because no one e…
- September 30th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Last Reader On Earth
“I know of no other advice than this: Go within and scale the depths of your being from which your very life springs forth.” -Rilke For Richard Brautigan 1. Discovering A Lost Artifac…
- September 23rd, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Midnight Shower Man
I like to take showers around midnight. The feeling of being naked and free before sleep calms my mind. There is a sense of tranquility that is communicated to me through the act of taking a hot sho…
- September 20th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Island Fever
1. There is a small lake not too far from where I used to live. I often went to this lake, sat upon a bench beside the waterline and watched the afternoons float by. I would read from the collected w…
- August 26th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Ants In My Pants
1. Outside my home, life is passing by. There are students on bikes with heavy backpacks filled with books. There are buses filled with pedestrians and cars filed with five-day-work-week commuters. Tr…
- August 12th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Experienced Nanny For Hire
I have been running out of money. The way I spend it does not allow much time for money to stick around. I have been trying to be frugal- eating meals at home, quit drinking booze to save money, going…
- August 4th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
My Topless Angel
I was sitting at my desk when I first saw her. For a brief second I did not think it was true, but the closer I stared the more I wanted to believe that this could not be a figment of my imagination.…
- July 31st, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Magnetic Mattress
For months now various appendages of my body have been acting out. My nipple will twitch, my hands shake, my feet ache, my ears go cold and my legs will often tighten up in knots. All of my life I hav…
- July 27th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Fantasies Door
“Now, I’m very vulnerable to female beauty, as you know. Everybody’s defenseless against something, and that’s it for me. I see it and it blinds me to everything else.” -Philip Roth from “…
- July 23rd, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Wrong Way Brain
5. I am always going the wrong way. Whether it is on a road, while walking in the city or within certain choices that I make for my own life- I seem to be moving in the wrong direction. I do not know…
- July 19th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Legs
There are legs all around me. Legs on bikes, legs on feet, legs in chairs and legs in the grass. Everywhere I look- young legs, middle-aged legs and a few old aged legs. An abundance of legs. Legs in…
- July 17th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
One More Reason To Get Nothing Done.
1. I am not an ambitious man. Under motivated is an adjective I have often heard used to describe me. I have a tendency to dream of fame and fortune but I do little to make my dreams a reality. I suff…
- July 13th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Moving In With Bugs
1. I have never lived with bugs before. At least not the kind of bugs I seem to be shacking up with now. This morning my wife opened a box and was startled to find a cockroach the size of her thumb in…
- June 25th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Being Michael Jackson
I am sitting here locked up in my small room listening to old Michael Jackson albums. I have put on my old Beat It jacket that no longer fits and “Rock With You,” plays on my old record pl…
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
“Free Packing”
I have been getting more massages lately. I prefer Asian massage simply because of the delicacy with which Asian women handle the human body. There is a softness in their touch that sends the person b…
- June 21st, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Hooker In A Tree
I never would of expected that I would rescue a hooker in a tree on my way home from work. I may fly or win the lottery and still believe it, but a hooker in a tree, who would of ever thought? The old…
- June 9th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Run Away Jury
I had the day off today, the only advantage of having to do jury duty. I tried to get out of it by writing the court a letter in which I told them about my deep belief in the philosophy of anarchy. I…
- June 4th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
$50.00 Cup Of Coffee
Jump to Comments The rain has been pouring down for three days straight. I am wondering if melancholy is starting to kick in. I awoke at around 10:30 this morning but would have stayed in bed if I di…
- June 2nd, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Drinker
I am drinking again. I should probably abstain from writing because I may say things that I regret and mis-spell words that I know how to spell, all to well. But what the hell- I always say things tha…
- May 29th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Coolest Cat
I never thought that cats liked me even though I have always been a lover of them. Ever since I was a young boy I have had cats in my life. To this day I own two cats (one of which I won in a local pe…
- May 23rd, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Chronic Consumer
“The cost of something is the amount of life that you are willing to exchange in order to have that thing.” – Henry David Thoreau I spend a lot of money. The irony is that I do not m…
- May 19th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Spiritual Materialist
I went to a Tibetan Fair. There were all sorts of Tibetan rugs, scarves, sweaters, ornaments and jewelry for sale. There was Tibetan music and “Save Tibet” booths, along with booths trying…
- May 10th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
Happy Mother’s Day
Mother’s day is my least favorite day of the year. It is one of those holidays that makes me feel inauthentic- a fraud. I try to appear to be happy and loving. I go through all the formal steps:…
- May 8th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
A Career In Meditation
I like spending a lot of time in stillness. I don’t mind people, but I prefer being left alone. The pleasures of my own mind far out weigh the experience of being around other human beings. I en…
- May 6th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Man With Green Balls
I have two green balls. They are heavy and round and stuffed with sand. Each one is the size of a soft ball, but one of them has a permanent indentation, which causes it took look like it went through…
- May 4th, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
The Parallel Parker
I have always been amazed by one particular ability of mine. I say this with hesitation because there are not many things about myself that amaze me. The fact that I am six foot five amazes me. The fa…
- May 2nd, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
How Facebook Can Help Save Your Life.
I was once terribly disturbed by facebook. I did all I could to avoid it. Despite the fact that almost every individual around was digging deep into facebook- I held out an iron fist. After many month…
- May 1st, 2009
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Absurdistry has posted a new entry on: Absurdistry
On Being Crazy
Today in the middle of class a student of mine told me that I was crazy. “Mr. R, your crazy,” he said. Just like that, in the middle of a lecture on Franz Kafka’s “The Metamorp…
