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- December 14th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
You\'re the top
Our family has never been the type to do anything conventionally or to play by rules. Don’t get me wrong—we’re not completely outside the realm of what’s considered normal—it’s just that w…
- December 3rd, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Procrastinated too long
*Clean my house today*Yeah, you know the drill: dust, vacuum, change the sheets, clean the bathrooms, blah blah blah. It's so boring, I stopped doing it several months ago, because it was summer and I…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
Matters to me
You know how sometimes you start paying attention to a certain topic and before you know it, you're finding it everywhere? It’s kind of like how if you start looking for blue cars, you’re going to…
- December 1st, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
After the boys of summer are gone
It’s almost winter, and you’ve probably been enjoying the first few airings of your warm-weather wardrobe. Kind of nice to wear long sleeves again, to need a jacket when stepping outside, walking…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Got RV?
*Person with RV*You bought the RV and thought retirement would be a breeze, but you forgot about all those details like park fees and gas, didn't you? Well, how's about you park your RV on our propert…
- November 30th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
You can look, but you better not touch
Now that Thanksgiving’s over we’ve all taken the dreaded plunge into holiday season, which means the seasonable, yet unreasonable, requests have already been pouring in. Could I bring something t…
- November 29th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Have torch, will burn?
*Torch owner*Willing to burn a torch for us, handsome? We'd like someone who can make ten of these bendy metal objects, and since the one we have was made with a torch (and in a vice! But you can use…
- November 24th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
Back business
Threw my back out the other day, fighting with this terribly annoying woman at the store who swore she’d seen my newest holiday t-shirt moments before I did. She didn’t know who she was up against…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
We only had a coupla little drinks
*Liquor inventory*You know, with all the bars in this area, there must be someone out there who's keeping track of how much booze is on hand, right? We'd do it ourselves, but you know how it goes. Plu…
- November 21st, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
\'Cause I shot a man on the Mexican border
*Loader of water*Needed: a truck full of water, about 3-4,000 gallons. We don't want to know where you got the water; you don't want to know why we need so much. Understand that and we'll get along ju…
- November 20th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Well, can you hold a tune?
*Outside Sing Holder*We'll give you a pitch pipe, and a sign to hold, and you stand outside, make like a lark and sing your little heart out. Deal? Hey, it's $10/hour, which is better than McDonald's…
- November 17th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Busted
*Drywall help ASAP*Okay, so I thought I could save a few bucks by doing my own ceiling and bathroom work, and you know what? I was soooo wrong! Oh, believe me, I totally excelled at the demolition asp…
- November 15th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
Double take/Memory Lane #7
Lazy Sunday afternoons often find me thinking about days gone by; then, as now, there’d often be a football game droning in the background, which meant some of us were going to be very restless with…
- November 14th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
Walk like a man
A two-pack of personal debris removal systems! What genius came up with this idea and a half? Imagine each step a clean sweep, enabling you to walk backwards on a beach and leave no footprints, or to…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Still going postal after all these years
*Retired postal workers*All right, here's the scoop: we know your retirement package isn't what it should be, and as your former employer, we'd like to help by offering an easier job. All you have to…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Tub\'n it
*Beer tub girls*See, we're having this party for my friend, and someone said, "Hey, why don't we get a huge vat of beer and have some chicks in bikinis serving it," Maybe it was because we were all ki…
- November 13th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
Have a casual Friday
Mmm, you smell like you just got back from a beery lunch at the local sports bar, with a strong base note of stale cigarette smoke, a dash of devil-may-care insouciance (spicy, yet unobtrusive), and a…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Never heard it called that before
*Vegetation Management*Hey, you've heard of sanitation engineers, right? Or canine relocation specialists? Hardware architects? Well, we're looking for a vegetation manager. Job responsibilities will…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Grab your camera
*Old Jeans Torn Up*I'm going to open this totally cool, wickedly bad-ass restaurant, got it? I've got everything planned right down to the napkin rings, and now we're working on those last few details…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Nothing suspicious here
*Free pole dancing class*That's right, ladies. These classes are absolutely free. In fact, they're really more like one-on-one very intense instruction sessions. Once you've got the moves down, jobs w…
- November 12th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
She dug her gift
Today’s my best friend’s birthday; we’ve been bosom buddies, if you will, since first grade, and we like to kid ourselves that nothing’s changed over the years. However, time’s been elapsing…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Because it\'s always high school somewhere
*Ex-cheerleader*You! Over there...yeah, you, the fiery cougar. Has anyone told you lately that you're still just as smokin' hot as you were back in the day? Because you're looking fabulous! Or maybe…
- November 10th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
Worth every penny
You may have thought the days of being able to purchase anything for a penny were long over, but you were wrong, my friend. In 2004 you probably would have parted with about $13 for a bike accessory a…
- November 9th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
This can be opened
I wuz ridin’ homeJust a-mindin’ my ownWhen a gol’ darn foolAlmost made me eat chrome.But, bein’ a manI just opened me a canOf Whoop Ass Peanuts‘Twas the end of his sedan.(insert cowboy-like…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Like buttah
*Butter talk*Hi, it's Linda Richman. Ladies, aged 18-27, we’d like to chat. We'll have a paid discussion, even. I’ll give you a topic: buttah or margarine, which is bettah? Discuss. Meanwhile, I…
- November 6th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
Coming soon: moustache panache
Flair Hair = truly irresistible. My weakness for faux tresses is apparently endless, and this particular brand really appealed to my inner Guy Fieri. Yeah, him. He heartily approved of this purchase.…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
The city made me place this ad
*Remover of debris*Look, I need someone to haul away the debris in my front and back yard, and I need it done immediately. Yesterday, even. I’ve been getting these damn notices on my front door for…
- November 5th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
Wonder of wonders
I’m practically beside myself with excitement, because today I learned about miracle fruit. It turns sour to sweet! “Lemons become lemonade!” trumpets the ad copy, then whispers, “Sound too go…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Sk8ter Boy
*Roller skating employee*You knew all those hours of practice would eventually pay off, even if no one else ever did. But today, can you believe it?!, Astro Skate is finally holding auditions! After s…
- November 4th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Dream until your dream comes true
*Liker of boats, sun & tiki bars*Okay, let’s see if you’re paying attention. This is a part-time office job, okay? You need some basic office and computer skills. All right, now that we’ve g…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
Don\'t bobblehead me
This bobblehead doll claims to be Darla Hood. You know, Darla from Our Gang/Little Rascals, although facially it's probably equally close to Lucy Van Pelt of Peanuts fame. There’s even a hint of Nat…
- November 3rd, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Sure, take the afternoon off
*Experienced Fine Casual Manager*As everyone knows, most of us do not have good managerial skills. In fact, the majority of managerial positions seem to be given to those who are particularly weak in…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Custodial controller
*Janitorial Enclave On-Site Supervisor*Janitors aren’t born, they're made. The best janitors complete their special and intensive training at janitorial enclaves across the country. You hadn’t hea…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
Surprise package
Imagine my surprise when the UPS truck drove away, the dog barked herself breathless, and then a soft, nutty smell permeated the house. Curious, I opened the front door only to find a greasy-looking b…
- October 30th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
Games people play
Tonight we’re planning some at-home fun and mayhem (sorry, kids, this one’s for ages 12 and up only). We recently picked up this really fun game, A Look at Alcohol & Tobacco, and can’t keep…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
But not a drop to drink
*Pond Service Technician*Like the idea of working outside instead of being stuck behind a desk all day? Who doesn’t? Okay, you’ve been around ponds before, right? Sure you have! And you know a pon…
- October 28th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
I\'ve got your hot sauce right here
*Tamale preparer*You: make 50 of the best tamales every week; let’s do seven every day and the one extra’s for me. Then I’ll go out and re-sell them. Or maybe they’re going to be my dinner—i…
- October 27th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
Right on track, is that gonna get you back?
Money’s tight these days, and I’ve been practically saintly in the parting with cash department, pinching every penny and picking up the ones I find on the road. And yet, you know how it goes. Som…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
From the wrong side of town?
*Leader of the Pack*You may have thought there were no more pack leader positions out there. Possibly you even thought there were no more packs needing leadership. But in some parts of the country tim…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Passing it out
*Halloweenie*Just need you to hand out candy from a business location for 2½ hours, after which you get off and receive a flat $20 bill, as opposed to those triangular bills of which you may have hea…
- October 26th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Keyword: Potential!
*Upcoming Camerman*This job requires a cameraman with his or her own equipment for a potential pilot featuring national talent, and we already have some interest from major networks. We can't be namin…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
For all your 2,000 parts
And we know those parts are pretty much all super-sized; you're a good, solid specimen. This product’s particularly for guardng your burly elbows. Please don’t say they aren’t burly, because we…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Heavy metal
*Aluminum wielder*Uh, basically what we’re looking for is someone who can wield aluminum. And we want it wielded well, in a hearty way; swing it like you care for a change. Any sign spinner can stan…
- October 23rd, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Dance with me
*Partner*Look, all I need is $5,000. You got that, and us two can make some serious moolah, capiche? See, we’ll start a national real estate company—don’t even think about it, I got it all figur…
- October 22nd, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
Sentimental Journey
The retro refrigerator rushes you back in time, recalling an era when refrigerators were nothing more than glorified cabinets and food cooling methods basically nonexistent. That’s right, we’ve in…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Hey, we can rhyme; work for us
*Classy, Sassy, Fun Promo Girl*Hey, how’d you like to be both classy and sassy at the same job? You have to like day spas, as if you don’t! Besides, full training’s provided, so it barely matter…
- October 14th, 2009
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
Say cheese
*Photo booth assembler/attendant*Okay, we are offering a two-pronged fork of opportunity over here. First, you show up at an event and set up a photo booth...so, you're gonna need some abilities in th…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Just Because You Don't Need It
As the old commercial said...
“Calgon, take me away!” Someone had to take us away. We certainly weren’t capable of much escape. The kids were whining, everyone wanted dinner, there was someone at the door and the phone was r…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
While you\'re up...and out of work
*Going to the dump*Hey, were you going to be going to the dump tomorrow? I mean, no reason you should be, but maybe you're using some of that down time to clean your place up a little, get rid of some…
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NeedlessToSay has posted a new entry on: Perpetual Job Search
All this, and you get to be #2
*Fraud analyst II*We all like to think we know how to cut right through the bull and get to the heart of any given issue. Well, here's a job that puts those skills to the test. Can you really detect a…
