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- August 23rd, 2008
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Wonder Woman Prophecies
Do you ever wish you had Super Powers? I do. At the tough times, I do my best to channel Wonder Woman. Sometimes it's necessary, so I can have the strength to keep going every day. She was a babe who could make a difference with her flashy wrist cu
- August 20th, 2008
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Success!!!!!!!
My son is completely CANCER FREE! As I expected, he is just lumpy. Lumpy, lumpy lymph nodes and that's IT!Now maybe life can get back to normal, whatever that is. If anybody needs me I'll just be laying in an exhausted puddle on the floor.
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Son's Post Op
My son with street cred and I are just heading off to his one week post op appointment. Hopefully he'll be allowed to be more active now and all his guts won't pour out of his neck. That's not my fear, that's his. I guess I might be paranoid too i
- August 16th, 2008
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- August 13th, 2008
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baldylocks has posted a new entry on: baldylocks
Super Son, At the Hospital
There is a fancy dancy parent room at the pediatric unit where I can post this. His surgery went well, but they removed 2 lymph nodes instread of just one. He has a drainage tube running out of his neck and he looks a little like a cyborg. Where t
- August 12th, 2008
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baldylocks has posted a new entry on: baldylocks
Lymph Node Removal
I haven't been able to move since the wedding on Friday. My body and mind are just too exhausted to function. I spent 2 days out of town and thought that I'd be ok because I've been on the upswing. While getting ready for my brothers big day I've b
- August 11th, 2008
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Without Words
As an artist, I find that I often come across moments in life that completely describe what I am feeling.Without words.
- August 10th, 2008
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The, I Do's
My brother's garden wedding was without a doubt a beautiful and completely successful event. Butterflies were released after the wedding vows as a surprise. The entire bridal party looked amazing and the weather was perfect. My sons looked amazing
- August 7th, 2008
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Wedding Day Eve
My brother's wedding day is tomorrow. He's the guy that lent me some of his stem cells and that's why I'm here today. Preparing for a wedding sure takes a lot of money and effort and all we are doing is showing up. I bought my sons new clothes and
- August 6th, 2008
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Shopping for Poultry
I popped in to the grocery store late tonight and there was a guy in line with a baby bird on his finger.I'm sure the last thing that little bird wanted to do was go grocery shopping.
- August 2nd, 2008
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Anthropological Quest
So now that I've bought a dress, I need shoes to go along with it. When I came home from dress shopping I went into my closet and began pulling out all my shoes. It's been so long since I've worn them that I had forgotten what I even had. I've spe
- August 1st, 2008
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Biopsy Results
So my sons lymph node biopsy came back inconclusive. They found it's a little larger than when he had the first ultrasound which was only a few weeks ago. It went from 2.6cm to 3cm.So they want to take it out. I thought something like that would be
- July 30th, 2008
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Dress Hunter
I went on a mission today to buy a dress to wear for my brother's wedding.Currently I have 2 pairs of pants...one that my mom handed down to me. I have a few shirts that are newish because my chest is slightly larger than usual because of my prednis
- July 26th, 2008
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Ninja Surprise
My middle son has been asking me for a while to help him make a plaster ninja mask. I finally dug around my studio supplies and found the roll of plaster strips. I covered everything in plastic and covered their (two sons) faces in vaseline so as n
- July 25th, 2008
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Loss of a Great Man
Professor Randy Pausch just passed away this morning from pancreatic cancer. He is famous for his last lecture and through his words and determination, has inspired thousands including me. He has touched so many and his influence has reached so far
- July 24th, 2008
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Limbo Land
I think I babbled around too much in my last post to be clear about what is going on in my world. There are a lot of changes happening, all good. I can't even believe I get to say that. WooHoo x 2!I feel suddenly like I've been let out of limbo lan
- July 23rd, 2008
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What Now?
I've been starting to feel so much better. I'm finally not in bed all the time and I'm getting stronger every day. It's been two years since my transplant and almost 2 1/2 since I started treatment. Three years since I became ill.I had plans and a
- July 21st, 2008
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Sucking out the Lymph Node
Thanks for all the warm thoughts today. The biopsy went smoothly and I did the drop off at my parents so my son is happy. They froze his neck a little and sucked out some cells from one large lymph node (the doctor, not my parents). It looks like
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Biopsy Day
Today we are off to the hospital for my son to have an ultrasound led biopsy of a lump on his neck. He's terrified of the hospital and procedures, so I've distracted him with getting to see his friends when it's done. He's 14. I'll be driving him
- July 20th, 2008
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On the Up and Up
Life has been getting increasingly better the last couple of weeks. The lowering of my immune suppressing drugs has really begun to take effect. My friends have begun to notice that I seem quite different than I did just a week ago. There is a lit
- July 18th, 2008
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A OK Stamp of Approval
So I had my oncologist appointment yesterday and she says everything looks good! My vagina has turned out okay after the surgery and I have no active signs of graft/vs/host. My blood work looks normal! For the first time in 3 years!I wasn't even s
- July 17th, 2008
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The BIG Oncologist Appointment -Dun dun duuuHn!
WooHoo! I'm so excited! I'm in bed thinking about my oncologist appointment tomorrow. It will be a long day but this is an appointment I've been waiting for for a while. My surgery is done and my blood looks good, liver enzymes and all of that.
- July 15th, 2008
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Changes
I've noticed something recently. Looks from people. Smiles from men. As I pass by random strangers on the street there is a nod or a look of acknowledgement. At the very least there is a focusing of their retina's and I know that they know I'm he
- July 11th, 2008
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Stupid Cancer Show -the text version
I had a request for my Stupid Cancer Rant to be typed out and readable, so here it is. And if you come see this, Cancersux, please reveal thy self. Anyone that goes by the name Cancersux must be a fellow cancer ninja.Matthew Zachary:Our survivor sp
- July 10th, 2008
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Mortification
Oy.I have done everything wrong today. When will this chemo fried brain drain go away? It's been two years.Maybe it's because of my medications? Maybe over exhaustion which I deal with every day. Maybe it's because my cells are all fighting with e
- July 9th, 2008
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Here
Even with all that I've been through I remain completely amazed and honoured to live in such a spectacular place in the world. It was here before me and will remain long after. At least there are some constants in this world.
- July 7th, 2008
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2nd Birthday #2-bone marrow transplant anniversary
So, my day didn't go as planned. No cake for breakfast, no jumpy castles, no martini night, no nakedness or mooning as was suggested to me in this thread on Etsy. I had so many inspiring suggestions from the Esty community but a lot of the suggesti
- July 5th, 2008
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Two Years!
Holy Carp! It will be two years since my bone marrow transplant on Sunday! To say I'm happy to be alive is an understatement. Even though I always had solid intuition that I would get through this all, I've had some really tough moments. The las
- July 3rd, 2008
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Party for One
So, I've been on my own a lot these last two years. I've been too sick to notice up until now. Now, as I continue to improve, I'm starting to feel this void which is in my life. The boys have gone off to see my parents and the few people I have le
- July 1st, 2008
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Dream Job
I think I may have stumbled upon a dream job I never knew I wanted. This titillating job offer is from Craigslist s.f.bayarea."I've been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I'm 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good j
- June 30th, 2008
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Rat Jerks
I'm having a territorial battle right now. I'm defending and reclaiming a space that belongs to me.My patio.I love to lay outside at night and sleep under the stars. I used to when I lived out of town. I haven't been able to recently because I did
- June 28th, 2008
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Purpose
"The purpose of life is living a life with purpose."I heard that somewhere once. It seemed poignant at the time but now it seems pretty vague. I suppose I read it as that because my life is a little vague right now. I seem to be living a strange ha
- June 26th, 2008
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baldylocks has posted a new entry on: baldylocks
Stupid Cancer Show
I made it easy to listen to my part of the Stupid Cancer show by making it into a YouTube video. Now we can all rejoice because easy is good!
- June 23rd, 2008
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Give Me Bangs or Give Me Death
Seriously. I just could not cope with the strange masses of personality disordered chemo curls anymore. I caught myself with scissors to my hair more than once and I realized it was time to go to a professional! I was totally geek without the chic
- June 21st, 2008
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Fear
Fear is that thing that nobody wants to talk about. Fear is that entity that doesn't exist. We're all bubblegum and candy. Fear is what we experience when we lose the facade of control of our lives. When a cancer diagnosis is given, fear becomes
- June 16th, 2008
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baldylocks has posted a new entry on: baldylocks
Stupid Cancer Show
I'm going to be on the Stupid Cancer Show today! I'm doing a 5 min monologue about me and my experiences with cancer in my own twisted way. I may trip and fumble my words and make a huge disaster with it but at least I'm going to give it the 'ol co
- June 15th, 2008
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Future Me
I forgot I cyber clipped this photo from a website called Mode Merr.This is me in one year. I'm going to look good, feel good and be able to go skiing and spelunking! Dammit!I'm going to be Babelicious and turf that handicapped sign in my car.
- June 14th, 2008
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Escapism
I've been reminiscing about what I used to look like before my prednisone. I've also been contemplating what my "style" should be when my head goes back to normal, assuming that will even happen. It's been a long time spent in flannel pyjamas and
- June 12th, 2008
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A Series of Unfortunate Events
I'm starting to think I'm going to have to change the name of my blog.I've been spending all of my extra time at hospitals, doctors offices etc. etc. I'm starting to think I was destined to become a doctor. I didn't so the universe is forcing me ba
- June 11th, 2008
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Nose Job
My son received a nose job for his 18th birthday.He also received a concussion. On Monday he had an accidental collision with a friend of his while leaping over a 6' object in Gym class. He ran as fast as he could, jumped, made it over while a frie
- June 7th, 2008
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Holy Shmoly
I'm just throwing out this little information post to answer some things that I brought up but never finished off with.I managed to pay my rent! One more month of financial security! Sort of. My son and girlfriend are fine after the knifer inciden
- June 5th, 2008
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Knife Attack
I'm reeling right now. My son was out with his girlfriend on their two year anniversary yesterday and three random guys started to hassle his girlfriend. My son looked at him the "wrong way" and the guy began trying to punch him and then pulled out
- June 3rd, 2008
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Violators
I've renamed my dialators, the "Violators". If all this cancer shit wasn't enough to deal with, the humiliation is like the cherry on top.I've named the smallest one on the left, Pinocchio, and the BIG one on the right, Shaft. I'm really not sure th
- May 31st, 2008
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Tripping
I'm in my studio. I am sore and feel somewhat violated even though the surgery was for the greater good. I've just come down here to get away from my bed. I've spent too much time in my bed these last two years. Even though I hurt, I feel so phys
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