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- December 18th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
The Unreasonable Cow
Palomino Ranch was a wonderful equestrian community. Every family of horses lived in a comfortable stable, they had spacious fields to roam and trot, and they were surrounded by hundreds of frie…
- December 14th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
What Ever Happened To . . . Mayor McCheese?
Michael McCheese was elected mayor of McDonaldland in November, 1972 in a landslide over the little-known and long-since-forgotten incumbent Mayor Vincent Vatagrese. McCheese served as mayor for…
- December 12th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Lucifer\'s Grandma
I was sitting on my couch plowing through a carton of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream and watching The Biggest Loser when it occurred to me that maybe it's time to do something about my eating…
- December 6th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
All I Really Need to Know I Learned on Saturday Morning
Perhaps you're familiar with the Robert Fulghum book entitled All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. Well, with all due respect to Mr. Fulghum, that's a load of crap. All that I le…
- December 3rd, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
The Pen is Mightier . . .
I was in second grade, sitting at my desk practicing cursive B's when the classroom phone rang. As I watched Mrs. Michaels speak with the principal, the contents of my stomach were doing a…
- November 30th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
A Heapin\' Helpin\' of Leftovers
Every once in a while, the staff here at Knucklehead! (okay, it's just me . . . play along) come up with a few ideas or witticisms that just don't fit into the context of a regular post. Instead…
- November 28th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Lazlo Riddle, Episode 2: Kindergartners Are Satan\'s Play-Doh
To read Lazlo Riddle Episode 1, click here.The note on the teacher's desk read as follows:Dear Sub,Welcome to my class of developmentally challenged kindergartners. You'll find today's lesson plan on…
- November 25th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
What Ever Happened To . . . Curious George?
Bozi Kima was abducted from the jungles of Africa in the early 1940’s, and brought to the United States by a man named Steve Durango (aka. The Man in the Yellow Hat). Durango changed Bozi’s name…
- November 21st, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
When Harry Met Marcia . . .
Everyone, and I don't care who you are, has their list of guilty pleasures. You know, things that you really enjoy, but you'd never admit to enjoying. One example would be any guy that lik…
- November 20th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
The Parker School Merry-Go-Boom
Remember the good ol' days when no one cared about personal safety? We had no seat belt laws, in fact, I clearly remember riding shotgun in Grandma's 1971 Chevy Impala, standing up on the passenger s…
- November 16th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
This One Time, at Band Camp . . .
There was trouble at band camp. Ray Flack had gotten himself into a bind, but the rest of us freshmen didn't feel all too sorry for him. In fact, we though that he kinda had it coming to h…
- November 12th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Lazlo Riddle, Episode 1: Another Tequila Sunrise
I don’t remember eating chili dogs, thought Lazlo as he examined the vomit dripping from the dashboard of his 1988 Ford Pinto. He looked at his watch. Five-thirty in the morning. Slept in the car a…
- November 9th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Justice For Jim Varney!
This month, Humor Bloggers Dot Com is sponsoring a fight against injustice in the world, wherever it may be found. And let's face it, my friends, it can be found everywhere. If the world were "just",…
- November 6th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
What Ever Happened To . . . Cookie Monster?
Cookie Monster lived on Sesame Street in New York City for many years, helping kids learn the alphabet and teaching other valuable life lessons. But as he grew older, Cookie lost his way and it would…
- November 5th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
And All Was Right With the World
That's really all I have for today. Be back tomorrow with the usual nonsense.
- November 3rd, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Tomato, To-mah-to
Like many men my age, I fight a constant battle with my weight. For the past decade or so, I've had a round-trip ticket between 195 and 24o pounds, and it's been tough to keep it on the low end. If I'…
- October 31st, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Larry Lobster and Clawshank Redemption
According to the animal-lovers at pawnation.com, a 70-year-old lobster named Larry was released from Oceana, a New York City restaurant, after many years in captivity.Lawrence "Larry" Lobster IV was a…
- October 28th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Manny, Moe, and Dumbass
I know nothing about cars. Nada. I can put gas it the tank, check the air pressure in the tires, and that's pretty much it. My dad and brother are mechanical geniuses, but apparently that strand of D…
- October 25th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
The Category Five Hurricane
Note to my mother: The events described in the following story are completely made up. Just keep telling yourself that.When I regained consciousness, I was curled up in the corner of an upward-bound e…
- October 22nd, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Saving Private Raggedy Andy
"Okay, runts, get off the field. We got a buncha guys comin' to play ball," said Dave Brooks, a 16 year-old baseball star at the local high school. A big kid."Why don't you make us?" threatened Mike t…
- October 20th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
The Agony
This is the second of a two-part joint venture with Suldog, recounting two defining moments in the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry. To read Part One of my contribution, go here.The 2004 American League Champ…
- October 17th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Grading the Hollywood Principals
School principals have tough jobs, there's no question about it. Dealing with angry parents, providing discipline to cellphone-wielding juvenile delinquents, helping America's teachers to better thems…
- October 14th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
What Ever Happened To . . . Schroeder?
In his childhood circle of friends, Schroeder was "the quiet one". Never caused any trouble, didn't want to be the center of attention, he preferred to spend his time practicing the piano and listeni…
- October 8th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Suicide Squeeze, Part One
Mike "The Whip" Whippert was the one kid in our neighborhood who would do anything on a dare. He was fearless, or maybe just good old-fashioned crazy. At any rate, on those days when us guys were just…
- October 7th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Subliminally Sticky
I was watching TV the other day and I happened to see a commercial denouncing the use of steroids. The image on the screen was a baseball, football, basketball and volleyball on a bench in a locker ro…
- October 5th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Here\'s to You, Mr. Bogataj
Vinko Bogataj.Chances are you don't recognize the name. But while the name itself might not ring a bell, I'm pretty certain that you know who Vinko is, and you're probably familiar with his singularly…
- October 2nd, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
The Ecstasy
This is the first of a two-part joint venture between myself and Jim "Suldog" Sullivan, honoring the start of baseball's postseason. Since Jim is a die-hard Boston Red Sox fan and I'm partial to the N…
- September 29th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Dad Never Bluffs
Dads don't bluff.My brothers and I learned this valuable lesson as we were trekking down Interstate 95 on Christmas night, 1979.Most Decembers of my childhood, we would visit my mom's parents in Orlan…
- September 28th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
My Fifteen Seconds of Fame
"I hope Dan gets voted off next," says Judy from North Hollywood as she sneers into the camera. "He was real nice to me before the show, but then he voted me off the first chance he got."Judy, you see…
- September 27th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
The Move is Complete!
After more cutting and pasting than I EVER want to do again in my life, the construction of KNUCKLEHEAD is complete. Thank you so much for your patience, and dealing with my archives clogging up your…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Taco Milkshakes and a Side of Sour Cream
July, 1983. Naugle's Drive-Thru. Corona, California. 11:00 PM.BING BING BING!"Welcome to Naugle's, can I take your order please?""About fucking time," said the customer, from the comfort and safety of…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Roller Rinks o\' Love
Fourteen year old boys are the most confused human beings on the planet, and my friend Paul and I were no exception. Back in 1979, we were trapped in hormonal purgatory. That is, we wanted to get in…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Don\'t Mess With the Baby-Sat
"This is stupid, it isn't even dark outside yet," my brother Eric said as he caught the tennis ball that I'd tossed to him from my bed. He was on the top bunk, with our brother Bobby pouting down bel…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Welcome to Mount St. Giggles
"You're mother is gone. You boys are gonna have to go with the clown."So said the teenaged girl in the maroon Mount St. Mary's Academy polo shirt. Jenny, her name was, according to the gold name bad…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
The Spirit Was Willing, But the Fists Were Weak
Growing up, I had two distinct personality traits that would seem to be in direct conflict with each other: a sarcastic sense of humor, and extremely poor fighting skills. Given this potentially dead…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
The Route of All Evil
"Bartender, make it a whiskey sour!"That was my usual order at the Little White House Bar and Grill on the corner of Hallock and Bound Brook Road. I usually stopped in for a drink before work.I climb…
- September 26th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
What Ever Happened To . . . Pebbles Flintstone?
The only daughter of Fred and Wilma Flintstone, Pebbles lived as normal a childhood as possible, given that the family dog was a dinosaur and their kitchen sink was a woolly mammoth. She had a bubbly…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
What Ever Happened To . . . Sam I Am and Wile E. Coyote?
SAM I AMFormer marketing director for the Zizzerzazzerzuzz Ham and Egg Company, Samuel "Sam I Am" Higginbottom, now 48, was convicted of rape charges in 2007, and is currently serving a 50 year priso…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
What Ever Happened To . . . Hermie and Baby Bear?
HERMIEHerman "Hermie" Dingleknocker, originally from Christmastown, North Pole, is currently a cosmetic dentist in Southern California.From 1961 through 1964, Dingleknocker worked for the Kringle Toy…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
What Ever Happened To . . . Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
Aside from the legendary Cap'n Crunch and perhaps the Trix Rabbit, the most famous breakfast cereal representatives in history would have to be the Rice Krispies icons Snap, Crackle, and Pop.The sons…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Stolen Flowers for Mommy
It's the Summer of 1968. I'm three years old.I see flowers growing in a garden in front of my house. Mommy is tired from my baby brother or sister that's in her tummy, and she's crying about somethin…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Eddie Albert Riding Shotgun
Every time I hear the theme to "Green Acres" my butt clenches and I break out into a cold sweat.Thanks very much, Mr. Raymond.Archie Raymond was my Drivers' Education teacher, and he had this habit of…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Why I Shop Alone
Here was my plan for Saturday morning:1. Go to the bank to withdraw boatload of cash.2. Go to Easylife Furniture to buy living room set.3. Go home.So I roll out of bed around 9:00, go through the whol…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Somewhere, Satchmo is Vomiting
Ken Gorelick (aka "Kenny G") is probably the most well-known saxophonist in America, as far as the general public is concerned. And this is sad, because Gorelick is an absolute joke as a jazz musician…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Hot For Teacher
The bell rang in room 302, signalling the beginning of seventh period. It was the first day of the new semester, so we sat anywhere we wanted, ready for Health Education for Freshmen. The teacher ente…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Evel Knievel, Role Model From Hell
If you were an American male, between the ages of say, 10 and 15 in the mid-70's, I'd be willing to wager that you have a story quite similar to this one.You see, the mid-70's were the absolute heyda…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
What Ever Happened to . . . Davey Hansen?
Davey Hansen was raised by devout Lutheran parents who spent hour upon hour schooling their children in upright Christian values. Davey, along with his faithful dog Goliath, spent many a weekend clean…
- September 24th, 2009
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Helga and Me
If you've ever been to college, you have undoubtedly been forced to take courses that you had absolutely no interest in. They were required either as part of the general education core or as part of…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
The Day Mike Ambrose\'s Jacket Broke
I grew up in a neighborhood four blocks long and one block wide. The neighborhood may have been small, but the 10-15 year old male demographic was disproportionally represented, resulting in various i…
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cdmauger has posted a new entry on: Knucklehead!
Zen and the Art of Seat Selection
Bus 12 was, for all intents and purposes, a carbon monoxide-wheezing reform school on wheels.Choosing a seat among the inmates was basically a game of mass transit Russian Roulette. Those of us at sto…
