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December 19th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Does this dishwasher have a chisel setting?
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Pamplona? Pfft. You should try the daily, death defying, *stairway running of the cats*.
December 18th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

I got a bill from the State of Iowa for a 2007 tax error. Isn't there a statute of limitations on the Dept of Revenue being a prick?
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

It's not bad enough I'm actually eating a Hot Pocket so the box suggests I carry it around and eat it from the paper sleeve for all to see.
December 17th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

@sista_flapjack you're in my thoughts. I'm so sorry for your loss.
December 16th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Oh Walmart, it's so cute how you think your *bakery* cinnamon rolls, still chilled from being in the cooler, are "fresh" and "gourmet".
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

@BigShoesNetwork Motel 6
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

@Shitty_Kitty my life is going fast and *furrious* heh!
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

It's a clear sign you need a life when 90% of your conversations are about the cats. With the cats.
December 15th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

The only redeeming quality this -20 degree windchill has is the ability to make +20 degrees seem balmy.
December 14th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

@Kathy_L I like to use the official designation QOS-Queen of Snark.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Being single means never having to share your Sun Chips.
December 13th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Thank goodness Sephora sent me that special offer. Now I can be the prettiest penniless, homeless hoboette around.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you lie about it on your resume." -me
December 12th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Today's formerly white T-shirt courtesy of the color red with special appearances by cherry-limeade drink mix, red hair dye, and blood.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

I nearly broke the scoop cleaning out the litter boxes this morning. Apparently I need a bigger scoop or smaller cats.
December 11th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

It's a tiny, colored sticky note *and* a label?? That's ingeniously and diabolically two office product obsessions in one!
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Old school, men's foot care--why use a Ped Egg or pumice stone when there's perfectly good sandpaper in the house.
December 10th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

No, *YOU* obsessively match your pen to the notebook you're writing in.
December 9th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

I did the splits today! On the ice. In the street. For all to see. Needless to say I'm putting street performer on my resume.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

@wifeoftj smart boy. I should do the same.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

You know what really chaps my ass? Bitter cold temperatures. No really, hand me the lotion.
December 8th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Life Alert could attract a whole new audience if they'd add life saving pizza delivery to their service.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Dad, thanks for buying dry cat food but a tiny five lb. bag is only an appetizer for 50 lbs. of cats. Don't turn your back on them.
December 7th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

So, guys don't care if their moobs are uneven?? Gah, what a total lack of personal standards.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Confusing flagellation and flatulation is understandable.They're both forms of punishment.
December 6th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

My judgment may be clouded, but I assume the appropriate way to deal with a chronic sniffler is to smother them in their sleep.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Does Febreeze make an odor eliminator plug-in for cat butts yet?
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

@highfiredanger adorbs kitteh pic!
December 5th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

I'm learning a lot living here in rural America. For example, hot pink and camouflage *do* go together.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Rumor has it that a fat, jolly man is in town today. Probably for a Weight Watchers meeting.
December 4th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

I put the *quease* in Cuisinart.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

I've discovered that the USPS has left out an entire category in its published shipping rates. Specifically, a metric shit ton.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

I supported Specialty Purebred Cat Rescue... by voting for them to win $25k with #chasegiving. bit.ly/49nERk
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

I can track my dad through the house just by the lights he leaves on.
December 3rd, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

No matter how soft and warm, I can't, in good conscience, buy a Turkish robe and leave all those Turkeys cold and naked.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

I'm afraid at my current size the pencil skirt is actually more of a jumbo crayon skirt.
December 2nd, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

@bapartofmylife thanks!
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

One of the cats popped my exercise ball with his claws. Obviously he wants me to be fat. Presumably so there's more of me to eat when dead.
December 1st, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

The dust bunnies are the only things around here that run faster from the vacuum than the cats.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

These microwave cooking instructions should have read--*Cook until contents cover the entire inside of your microwave*.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

I used to think I couldn't multi-task, but this morning I was able to simultaneously spill coffee *and* exclaim, "fuckity fuck!"
November 28th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Absolutely I want the free gift wrap for the item I'm ordering for myself that has nothing whatsoever to do with Christmas. Cuz duh, *free*.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

I've posted new floral and cat designs in my Zazzle store! I'd love for you to check them out: bit.ly/5B7Veb
November 27th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Every online retailer known to man has somehow crawled into my email inbox to die.
November 26th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

Okay, I'll admit it. I'd go to a 3:00 a.m. sale...if they served cocktails and gave away money and free kittens. That's not happening is it?
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

The only turkey I want to see fried today is the one that gave me the germs making me sick on a holiday.
November 25th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

I've been here at the Vet's office so long i'm going to list it as my emergency contact.
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

This sneezy, runny nose isn't all bad. I've vastly improved my tissue/wastebasket shooting percentage.
November 24th, 2009
chatblanc has updated her twitter:

I know I shouldn't be surprised but... A milk cooler door handle held on only by duct tape? Really Walmart? Stay classy.

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