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• Yesterday
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  You say socially-stunted recluse with no friends like it's a bad thing.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  "At the Shrine." No, really. Watching Yo Gabba Gabba Live. IN PERSON. FOR REALS.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Sorry, "afternoon nap".

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  The only upside to dragging yourself to the gym at 8:30 is the afternoon nap at 11:30.

• November 14th, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  HIM: Why do women make their arms like that? ME: That's Jessica Biel. You're not supposed to notice if she even has arms. Wait, does she?

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  If I could have cashed out those free mojitos, they'd be worth about one strand of Prada loafer tassel. Let's not get crazy. Half a strand.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  and Rachel Zoe showed up for 5 minutes! She's like fashion's Dumbledore. Don't judge me. Just shut up and roll your 8-sided dice, nerd.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  But I played my favorite drinking game: for every person you see wearing $3000 shoes, you take a shot. Also called the crying game.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  My phone died on the way to the Prada party, so I ran into a 7-11 to get a charger. It broke. You better believe I'm blaming Meryl Streep.

• November 12th, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Oh fucking great, there's a typo in my Death Cab tweet. I feel a poem coming. A poem with dead branches in it.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  This whole time I thought it was my lack of drive and inability to care holding me back. Turns out it's my small and perkies.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  This emo is darker and more enveloping than all the Death Cab For Cuties hoodies in all the world sewn end-to-end on a big Coraline needle.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Today is a Thursday that feels like a Monday. Morrissey would tweet this as November spawned a MonThur.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Just playing dress-up in my Diane Freis closet. Oh sure, like you don't have one.

• November 11th, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Today's a very special day, so sit nice and eat your Husseycakes. You want to grow up to be 9 feet tall and terribly clever, don't you?

• November 10th, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Some days you're the wave. Some days you're the shore. Some days you're the person using an ocean metaphor.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  It puts the tonic in the gin or else I sing Desert Rose again. Too late. ♬ I dream of rain, yele e yele. ♬

• November 9th, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  @idvssuperego Happy birthday! I I got you a puppet, a jaunty cricket, a kitten, a goldfish, and an Italian. Don't eat them all at once.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Wasting a domain like daddytypes.com on a new-dads blog is like blotting the tears you cry during Andy Griffith with $100 bills.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  @thedayhascome Hugs for Lucy. And just think, you can probably double your bacon intake if it's liquefied. Mmmmm, bacon slurry.

• November 8th, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Visiting @RawShopper. He thinks I'm going to come back wanting to go raw. Me. Go raw. LOL. Wait, that isn't canned laughter, is it?

• November 6th, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  This scientology commercial is so confusing. What do red lollipops and feathers and football have to do wi- oh wait, I get it.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Oh, you know, just working on my great American autoerotic asphyxia novel, The Great Gaspy. WHAT.

• November 5th, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  This guy looks like a clinically-depressed Danny Bonaduce. I have dubbed him Despondeduce.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Doctor, My Eyes was playing and I actually listened to the lyrics for the first time. It's totally not about David Gest.

• November 4th, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Whoever coined the phrase In It To Win It must have known how deep into this Dreyer's carton I'd be. I'm about to take the fudge ribbon.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Hope you're happy, Maine. Bert is crying into his paperclip collection, soon to be rusty and worthless. Ernie? Escapist bubble bath.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  If Elmo is your Sesame Street totem, you're probably popular, but many many people want to stab you in the face.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  @idvssuperego You're more like The Count. Not because you suck, come back! Mystery, evil laughter, organ-obsessed. Oh and bats.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  My Sesame Street muppet totem is Big Bird. Feathers, milkshakes, and a deep, abiding love for Snuffy's trunk.

• November 3rd, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Seriously, I feel like a Smart car surrounded by double-decker buses. A Smart car desperately trying to resist a headlights reference.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  It's apparently bring your giant teetering rack to the gym day. Just a heads up.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  I'd make a NanuWriMu Mork & Mindy joke but '70s cultural references are so 2004.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  The free-floating anxiety is still there, but I'm starting to get a handle on it. Gin, mostly.

• November 2nd, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Is that big sports thing with the paunchy guys and the bats over yet? No? OK, woah, hey, you don't have to yell.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  I have inexplicably acquired ski gear. So far, my plan for _skiing_ is to throw snow on my face and look tired. I call it pretendiing.

• November 1st, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  OK SkiDazzle, with a name like that you made me expect showgirls. Everyone here has swoopy hair and baggy pants and they're all dudes. Lame.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  I haven't eaten a SINGLE piece of candy so far. Pay no mind to that pile of wrappers. THOSE WERE REESE'S AMUSE-BOUCHES.

• October 31st, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Forgot to carve the pumpkins so I just wrote TL,DC on them in Sharpie.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Any foe could be rendered instantly defenseless by a squadron of toddlers in painted-on whiskers and kitty ears. Get on it, military.

• October 30th, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  @davegorum And the twink ladybugs give it away with their feyermoans. And their wee little hotpants.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  @davegorum Meanwhile, the ACLU ladybugs are all waving their picket signs around. FAIRMOANS! FAIRMOANS!

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  @davegorum To the timid and straight-laced ladybugs, they're fearomoans.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Hey Slutty Bumblebee, back in my day all we had was Sexy Nurse and WE LIKED IT.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  I'm giving my Lists condiment names. Yeah Vegenaise, I'd be worried too.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  The first rule of Twitter Lists is I'm on WHAT list muthafuckah?!

• October 29th, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  These footprints painted on the floor are trying to get me to do The Time Warp. Not falling for it, footpr-It's just a jump to the left!

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Oh I have a goddamn Twitter List, and you better believe you're on it.

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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  Blah Girls. More like Blah Girls, amirite?

• October 28th, 2009
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  mayjah has updated her twitter:

  NOW LISTEN HERE. I AM THE SENSIBLE ONE AND I SAY NO, ABSOLUTELY N-ok just this once.