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- December 30th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
My Christmas Vacation
I hadn't posted in a while. I'd like to say that I've been busy at work. Or that I've been on a special mission from the president. Or that I've been on an extra special vacation to some far-off dista…
- December 17th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
The Child Wake-Up Theorem
I need to talk about a serious problem that every parent faces. It's a problem that they don't tell you about in parenting books or in seminars or in the media. Nobody talks about it, because they kno…
- December 15th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Waiting for an honest Christmas letter
Every year, we send an annual Christmas letter to all of our friends, family, and people we barely know who somehow landed on our Christmas card list even though we haven't seen them in 12 years and w…
- December 7th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
That\'s right: A post about Tiger Woods -- sort of
I was making breakfast on Sunday when The Wife asked me a question that nearly made me choke on my aebleskivers."Is something going on with Tiger Woods?"What?"Is something going on with Tiger Woods?"W…
- November 30th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Oh Dorkmas Tree
The Wife and I have a minimalist view of decorating. Most of our walls are white and have few photos and we're in an ongoing debate over the value of curtains. When we painted an accent wall in our ba…
- November 24th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
How to liven up your Thanksgiving shindig
I'm going to spend Thanksgiving like most of you: Stuffing my face surrounded by people who drive me crazy.Truthfully, I like my family members, but most of our holiday gatherings are dull affairs tha…
- November 16th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Entering the movie drought
In my pre-kid days, when The Wife and I had time and money and were not chained to a pair of cute but loud distractions, we went to the movies. A lot.We like movies, but mostly we went because we coul…
- November 8th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
The Dork hits Vegas
In the morning I'm flying to Las Vegas to attend a "conference," which apparently is some sort of pseudonym for "I'm going to gamble my life saving's away and wake up married to the waitress of a loca…
- November 1st, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Night of the Zombie Dork
Here's how I spent my Halloween: By walking slowly and stiffly, with a distant look on my face, groaning and grunting and scaring my boy.Did I dress like a zombie? (BRRAAAAAIINS!) Hardly. I threw my b…
- October 25th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Dorky Dad and the Fondue of Death
This weekend we went to a giant fondue party. I'd never been to one before, but apparently it involves a bunch of people getting together and eating small portions of food dipped in sauces. And then e…
- October 18th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Parenting at 35,000 feet
The Wife and I decided our lives were too easy, so late last week we loaded our borderline-hyperactive 5-year-old and our teething, ear-infection-prone infant into a plane packed with travelers and fl…
- October 8th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
A Sonnet For Feminine Cheese Sticks
In honor of National Poetry Day, which by the time many of you read this will be long past, I've composed the following sonnet. A poorly written, badly rhymed sonnet that will probably make Bill Shake…
- October 5th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Holding On To Summer
It's cold here, which shouldn't be surprising because I live in Minnesota and if Minnesota is known for anything it's cold -- which I had been reminded of about 50,000 times in the month before I retu…
- September 29th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Getting rid of unwanted visitors, parent-style
We've all had this problem from time to time: People who just don't seem to get the hint when you want them to go away.You try everything: Tapping your foot; yawning; falling asleep; coughing up blood…
- September 22nd, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
The dangers of a mobile baby
The Sequel is newly mobile, which means that life around my household is like playing shortstop for the Yankees -- I spend much of my time diving in an effort to catch my youngest son from doing somet…
- September 14th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Psssst. Wanna buy a cheese ball?
You THOUGHT it was safe.You thought you were protected in the company cafeteria. You figured it wouldn't be a problem answering the phone from your brother. You were excited to hear about your grandch…
- September 8th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Sending the kid off to priso ... er, school
We sent The Boy off to kindergarten today, officially his first day of "school," the outset of a 13-year stretch where he'll learn to make spitballs, to copy his friend's homework, to dress like an id…
- September 3rd, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
I had no idea I was an astronaut
I picked up The Boy from school this afternoon and was met by a young girl, maybe a year older than my son. She had determined look on her face."Have you ever been to outer space?"I didn't even blink.…
- September 2nd, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
One dorky midnight meeting
As a teenager, I once woke up to find a strange creature in my bedroom. He was a man, slightly tubby with big hair and a permanent scowl. Come to think of it, he looked a little familiar. But no less…
- August 30th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Dorky Dad the Annoying
I spent part of the evening inventing a game called "Top The Boy." As The Boy sat on the couch immersed in a computer game I tried tossing my baseball cap onto his head from three feet away. I awarded…
- August 24th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
The irresistable lure of tasteless brown glop
I think it's a little disturbing that the first solid food many of us consume has the look, consistency -- and often taste -- of barf.We're feeding The Sequel baby "food." Some of this stuff is decent…
- August 20th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Avoiding the dreaded ear infection
Some of you may find yourself completely shocked when you hear that I was not always gung-ho about having children. Indeed, like plenty of guys, I had second thoughts.Why?Did I fear that children woul…
- August 16th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
A new set of baby milestones
The Sequel is nearing eight months old. These months have been filled with various "milestones" showing the baby advancing and, supposedly, learning more about the world. I know all about milestones b…
- August 13th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
More van nonsense
The first vehicle I ever test-drove was a van. This was in the 1980s. The van had mag wheels and was populated heavily with red and orange, both inside and out. It had a dark brown table and lots of s…
- August 10th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Here comes the dorky minivan
Thirteen years ago I bought a little red pickup, and it was good. It had a bench seat, meaning it was as comfortable as a park bench. But it had oversized tires and mag wheels and a cool little topper…
- August 3rd, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
You asked for it: Another post on male nipples
The Boy enters kindergarten in a few weeks. At day care, he is officially out of preschool and into summer camp. There, he is being exposed to older kids. Kids who know things, like the word "boob.""I…
- July 30th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
The incredible stress of picking a restaurant
We have a friend visiting from out of town. She has no kids. I'm totally jealous.Jealous, that is, of her ease in choosing a restaurant. In her pre-visit planning, we asked where she'd like to go. "Oh…
- July 27th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
My insane kid-filled weekend
I'd have normally posted by now, but I was only recently released from the psychiatric ward following a weekend in which I hosted a party of sugar-loaded five-year-olds, then taught an unusually large…
- July 19th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Snap! There goes the pants
We had the big family birthday party this evening, providing me with another excuse to spend an evening stuffing my face full of food. We arrived with our contributions to the meal in the late afterno…
- July 16th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Bottling up the competitive juices
The Boy played T-ball today, continuing the early stages of my grand plan to get him into the major leagues, thus providing me with a retirement income that would be much safer than Social Security.At…
- July 14th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Dorky Dad the toothless hillbilly
For the past two days, The Wife's evenings have been taken up by what she said were "meetings" involving "important work" that she "had to do." As a result, I've spent the past two evenings playing zo…
- July 13th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Beware the fate of the love-earworm
It's unlikely that any of what's left of my readership would qualify as teenagers -- unless they were reading for some strange science project on the exploration of a completely different species othe…
- July 5th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Giving park goers a comedy show
Here's a site for you: The Boy and I were at a park today, desperately trying to hold on to the last of a three day weekend. He was on his bike, practicing, having recently learned how to ride it with…
- June 29th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
I have no attention ... Hey! Look at those fish!
I have no attention span. It's true. I've never had one. It's not really an issue, for the most part, and I gave this fact little thought -- until I married The Wife.The Wife has a tortoise-like atten…
- June 22nd, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Checking out the womenfolk
When last we left The Boy, he was having trouble getting ladies' attention, despite his best preschooler efforts -- somersaults, jumping, laughing, dancing, making a general fool of himself, etc., etc…
- June 18th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
So it begins: The Boy plays ball
The Boy started his career in organized sports this evening with a rousing practice session of T-ball. The day included an hour-long practice filled with lessons that will stay with the kids throughou…
- June 17th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Maybe these infants aren't so fragile
We are a little more relaxed with The Sequel, our second child, than we were with The Boy. Specifically, I'm not going into the bedroom every 10 minutes to make sure he's alive. And I'm not thoroughly…
- June 14th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Musically solidifying my dorkitude
On Saturday, we went to a garage sale. We went to a ton of them, because a local neighborhood here was having several on the same day, a square mile of cheap, moldy, half-broken junk.I love garage sal…
- June 10th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
My Boy the budding lawer
I've said before that my negotiating skills amount to roughly zero, which makes dinner at my house a real pain in the butt.I'm the household "chef," though I use that term loosely. I do the cooking fo…
- June 8th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Drugged out Tony watchers
People who watch the Tony Awards are depressed insomniacs with bad bones and bad joints who have trouble breathing and pee on themselves a lot. They also don't have any eyelashes, which explains why t…
- June 3rd, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Ah, relaxing New York construction
I was in New York earlier this week on "business." While there, I saw the typical New York sites: The Empire State Building, Time Square, the Rockefeller Plaza, the Statue of Liberty, an overly-aggres…
- May 27th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Would you like some E. coli with your swim?
I took The Boy swimming this evening, because I love subjecting the world to my soft, pasty-white midsection and because I made a promise. And I'd just as soon break my arm than to break a promise I m…
- May 26th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Bacon-aided parenting
I, like many parents, struggled to get my eldest child to do certain things, like wake up on a school day without the use of an engine hoist and a giant spatula. And then, in an act of pure desperatio…
- May 18th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Avoiding the dreaded IT guy
I've spent the past couple of days wrestling with my laptop, a ritual I apparently must go through every few weeks, lest my life get entirely too comfortable and stress-free.I hate computer problems,…
- May 14th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
How I became Verizon's cat toy
I am not what one would call a "tough negotiator," because it's difficult to haggle over a price when you're too busy desperately resisting the urge to dive under the nearest desk. Here, for instance,…
- May 10th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Dorky Dad: The Invisible Man
Early in my blogging life, I wrote a series of posts questioning the wisdom of certain super powers while contradictorily wondering why I didn't have any myself.Since then, however, I've learned that…
- May 5th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
I can't remember the headline to this post
I was not born with a fabulous capacity to remember whole heck of a lot. I can't remember faces. And I'm not any better with names. If I look back on my high-school yearbook (if I could remember wher…
- May 3rd, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Preschooler lady troubles
I lived in Fort Wayne, Indiana for a year and a half. The best thing we could say about Fort Wayne is that it was a couple of hours away from several more interesting cities, plus Toledo. But at least…
- May 1st, 2009
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mazeville is celebrating his birthday today!
- April 29th, 2009
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mazeville has posted a new entry on: Dorky Dad
Springtime for dang gophers
The grass in Minnesota is a lot like Minnesotans: It springs to life the second the weather gets sunny and slightly warm. As a result, I had to mow my grass yesterday, even though it was just a few da…
