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- December 16th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Oral Roberts. Oral Sex. Oral Hygiene. What\'s The Difference?
Oral Roberts has died of pneumonia...good riddance! One of America's best known pitchmen (except for Billy "Crack" Mays) has gone to the promised land. Can I get a witness?! Amen! There's something ab…
- December 15th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Pamper Me Not!
You know that your life has come full circle when you have to wear adult diapers. Seriously, what could be a more fitting end to a long life than wearing Pampers? We come in to this world shitting in…
- December 14th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Butting In Line? Think Again...
While shopping this weekend I saw some assholes who could not control their angst and cut in line rather than wait like everyone else. That pisses me off, and when possible I point out their transgres…
- December 13th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
The Times
I think that one of my favorite breakfast cereals was and still is Raisin Bran. There's something about the raisins and the bran covered with two pounds of sugar that has always been a treat to me. I…
- December 12th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
A Little Saturday Jam For Christmas Shoppers
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood [whistles]. My roommate has asked that I take her for her first trip into the realm of Christmas shopping '09. All I wanted to do was go to America's store and…
- December 11th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Raider\'s Version Of Extreme Makeover...
Extreme Makeover/Home Edition wrapped up here yesterday. Ty Pennington, Micheal [sic] Moloney (the gay dude with two faces-cry and smile), Paige Hemmis (my fantasy for all things doggy style) and Chri…
- December 10th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
A Couple Of Thoughts And A Brain Fart Or Two
Tiger Woods is now supposed to have a sex addiction. At least that's the latest "cover your ass" excuse for the philandering former good guy. I don't have a sex addiction although my therapist did sug…
- December 9th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Oprah And Peanut Butter Cups. Life In The Fast Lane
I was wondering what it must be like to live in a nursing home after visiting a friend in one yesterday. If my mind has turned to oatmeal by that age then I suppose it wouldn't matter. However, what i…
- December 7th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
- December 6th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
The Times And Retrospect-1969
Tiny Tim marries Miss Vicki on The Tonight Show. Charles Manson and The Mansonettes go on their killing spree. Charmin bathroom tissue becomes the butt of jokes thanks to Mr. Whipple. Senator "Dead" T…
- December 5th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Do I See You Too? Would You Want To Know?
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood [whistles]. Have you ever wondered why some people look like they are about to explode? Uncomfortable? Me either...well, except for this one guy that I see fro…
- December 4th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Want A Divorce? Here\'s How I Did It
My ex-wife the first was a complete control freak with a quick temper. As such, she was very easy to upset or just downright piss off. Like when we would go on vacations with the kids...I wouldn't sto…
- December 3rd, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Break Out The Cotton Balls. I Have A Headache!
I practically live with a headache. It's not due to stress or fever or any of the more common causes. It's because of yelling. For those of you who don't know, my roommate is handicapped. One of the p…
- December 2nd, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
A Day In The Life Of...
I hate that I missed the president's speech last night. I was watching reruns of Operation Repo instead. Had it not been for that then I more than likely would have been watching The Food Network. I s…
- December 1st, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Reality Shows. No Acting Required.
What do Jesse Ventura, Steven Seagal and yours truly have in common? Nothing. They are famous and bad ass and have new reality t.v. series coming out very soon. Me? I have nothing even close to that.…
- November 30th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Black Is Black And So Are Oreos
"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down." Who ever said that must have been dealing with some psychological issues. It's raining cats and dogs here, and one can't help but love it. Cool, dreary, ra…
- November 29th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
The Times
Earlier this morning, as I was trying to decide between another cup of coffee or a shower, a commercial came on t.v. featuring Halle Berry. I forgot what the ad was about... Is Halle Berry real? Serio…
- November 28th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Jamming On Another Saturday Morn
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood [whistles.] Welcome to another edition of Saturday Jam where everything and nothing are one in the same...talk is cheap and nothing is sacred. What's on…
- November 27th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
501-And It Ain\'t The Jeans
Today is my 501st post. Yesterday was my 500th and Wednesday was the 499th post. You know the routine. My first post was sometime in June of last year. It's been fun, but not without consequences. Th…
- November 26th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
I\'m Not Homeless But I Enjoy Eating Like It.
Eat beef! I'll go for that over turkey any day. Fried turkey is good as is smoked turkey, but it's still turkey. Too many leftovers to deal with... Eat beef! I'll have mine medium rare, roasted aspara…
- November 25th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Never Tell Her She Is Overreacting Or You May Die!
I seem to get this question a lot from my female friends, and that is, "Are you being mean to me?" I have had them ask if I was ignoring them or making fun of them or simply telling them that I though…
- November 24th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Please Engage Brain Before Leaving The House
Monday has got to be the most challenging day of the week for many people. Struggling to get out of bed early. Trying to choke down a little caffeine while running out of the door. Dreading the whole…
- November 23rd, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Me, Nicole Kidman And Ty Pennington...?
ABC's Extreme Home Makeover/Cornbread Edition is coming to town today. The build is beginning December 3rd, but today the executive producers come to town to gather volunteers. Nobody, including the f…
- November 22nd, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
The Times
Motivational thought for the day because I care: Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt...(Translation-When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults).…
- November 21st, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Obama\'s Home Teleprompter Malfunctions...
The Onion has provided an inside story of the Obama White House that you would never get anywhere else...except here. Again, thanks to The Onion for a little Saturday jam. Obama's Home Telepromp…
- November 20th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Anal Glands...Pass The Orange Juice Please
I wrote a post over a year ago centered around a very serious and common problem. Butt skids-canine butt skids specifically. It was brought to my attention again that one of the chief causes of a dog…
- November 19th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
I Want My Book Back Bitch!
I have some bad news for all of you that have been anxiously awaiting the release of what was certain to be a wildly popular best seller. My book scheduled to be released next month, Going Rogue, was…
- November 18th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
America\'s Store And The Case Of The Adolescent Arson
I walked into America's Store yesterday. As I made my way back into the parking lot, I noticed two fire trucks and their crews standing around something smoking. It was in the general direction of my…
- November 17th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Fishnets With Holes And Other Signs Of Psychosis
I am not the type of person who scares easily or watches my back as though I'm may be jumped by the boogie man. I'm not afraid of big, ugly mean guys who drool or a hot chick with a frigid personality…
- November 16th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
To Everyone That "Needs" Food Or Assistance
My granddad said to me once, "If you ever see somebody in trouble, help them if you can." Great advice. It's just not from my book on the rules of social engagement. My book reads more like, "If I see…
- November 15th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
The Times
"We ain't making no goddamn Cornflakes here!" - Colonel Charlie Beckwith-founder, Delta Force. Now there was a stud. That's what it's about here at BLF headquarters. No goddamn Cornflakes. No milk and…
- November 14th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
A World Without Injustice Is A World Without Sunshine
Justice is blind. Does that mean that injustice is all seeing? Why does "justice" have to have a handicap? What would we say if "Lady Justice" were a man? Justice has no balls? That would certainly be…
- November 13th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
The Coach, The Paddle And My Scrambled Eggs
"Dear God, please don't let me vomit on Coach Terry's socks again like I did yesterday. I don't want another paddling now. Thanks."-Me, 1965, praying shortly before 3rd period p.e. class in eighth gra…
- November 12th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Hello Betsy Wherever You Are...!
The first sex I ever had was with Betsy. That night she turned out the lights before getting into bed, and right then I'm thinking that somebody isn't looking too good. I thought that I may be in over…
- November 11th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Brain Farts And A Fact Or Two
A cable news show's host posed a question to guests asking if they thought the murders at Ft. Hood, Tx. army post could have been avoided were it not for political correctness. It was brought out tha…
- November 10th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
John Allen Muhammad Meet Oscar Mayer
Once again my heart yearns for justice-not! Today the commonwealth of Virginia will execute John Allen Muhammad. Under Virginia laws, the soon to be chicken fried Muhammad actually has a choice to mak…
- November 9th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Do You Have A Hard Drive Brain?
Wouldn't it be nice if your mind worked like a computer's hard drive? Imagine being able to remember anything and everything and only deleting the bad parts. Then having the ability to click a button…
- November 8th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
The Times
Once again the staff and editors of The Sunday Suck-Up Times are on a weekend "working" retreat in the working retreat paradise of Cairo, Ill.. I know, I know. We will miss you too. However, the staff…
- November 7th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Jimi, Janis And Bicardi Equals Injustice!
Speak of injustice? No? Well listen to this... I never was one to study. I mean my study habits, or lack thereof, were a constant problem for me. Oh, my grades were okay but not good. Remember how som…
- November 6th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
The Rodney Dangerfield Of Traffic Signs
Yield is not an uncommon word nor is it a stranger to drivers. However, with many, if not most younger drivers, the word seems incomprehensible. I'm not sure if the word is foreign to them, but it has…
- November 5th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
To The Gay Dude That eMails Me-
I live by certain rules dictated by homophobia, and then there are the important ones. "Don't judge a book by it's cover" is not one of them, however. I have prejudged you. Most of the time I'm wrong,…
- November 4th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Justice? How About My Candy Bar?
My heart screams for justice! Oh, who the hell am I kidding? Halloween night I paid a brief visit to a convenience store not far from my house. This particular store has been robbed three times since…
- November 3rd, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
It\'s All About The Ups And Downs
I have no problems with government controls or being over taxed or fraud and waste at the highest levels. I do have a deep seated problem with toilet lids! It's not so much the lid itself. Not the siz…
- November 2nd, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Tinnitus Is Music To My Ears
I have tinnitus (ringing in the ear). I've had it for years, and usually it's easy for me to ignore. For several years I've experienced auditory hallucinations which are not only fascinating but quite…
- November 1st, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
The Times
Okay, so one fall "holiday" down, and if you're a white Anglo-Saxon protestant like I am, two to go! Thanksgiving and Christmas are next on the hit list so come on out there...give 'em the old heave h…
- October 31st, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Holidays Gone Wild! Scrooge Speaks!
Today is the day that marks the first in a line of fall festivities that brings us to the end of the year. Halloween is almost over as quickly as it began. The most fun I get out of Halloween anymore…
- October 30th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Break Out The Eyeliner. Polish The Piercings. Candy Is On Sale!
Does Halloween eve have any special meaning other than the day before Halloween? I was just wondering...that's like ponderin'. Seems like much ado about nothing if you ask me. Seriously, with the exce…
- October 29th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
Muhammad Ali Issues Halloween Jihad
Louisville, Ky.-Retired heavyweight boxer, legend, loudmouth and Parkinson's party animal, Muhammad Ali has declared that a Halloween Jihad is in effect from midnight Friday, Oct. 30th to midnight Sat…
- October 27th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
All Of This Candy For Me?
Are there anymore people out there that leave a large bowl or bag full of candy on their doorstep for the kids at Halloween? I doubt it seriously. When I was a kid we had begun to take advantage of th…
- October 26th, 2009
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redraider has posted a new entry on: Beyond Left Field
It\'s A Happy Hooded Halloween!
Halloween in the 'hood is a real tricked out treat. For instance, the only day/night of the year the br'ers and sistas wear "normal" clothing is Halloween. The shivs are sharp and the gats fully loade…
