In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by age 50. Marriage, healthy marriage, is excellent for many couples’ mental and physical health. Yet, while no one enters into a marriage expecting it to fail, more than 20 percent of first marriages end in divorce within five years, and 48 percent of marriages dissolve by the 20-year mark, according to 2006-2010 data from the government’s National Survey of Family Growth. Separation and divorce are emotionally difficult events, but it is possible to have a healthy breakup when you find the professional help that you need to have a peaceful divorce.
Parenting In Peace Delivers A Multitude Of Benefits To The Entire Family
A peaceful divorce is the first step toward achieving a peaceful custody relationship, which can lead to successful parenting? Truly, divorcing in peace provides the foundational tools needed to help your children grow and thrive in their new life. Though the fears for your child’s well-being can feel like they are running your sanity into the ground, remember that divorce in and of itself will not cause poor decisions, unstable childhoods, or disconnected relationships.
Maybe you got a divorce because you and your ex-spouse couldn’t agree on anything. Perhaps your divorce came about because of external factors. Or maybe, like so many couples in today’s world, you and your ex-spouse simply grew apart. Rather than being afraid of how you’ll parent now that you’re separated, consider the fact that your divorce might just provide you with the opportunity needed to learn how to finally parent in peace.
Benefits of a peaceful divorce include:
- You’re more likely to approach parenting as a united force.
- You can save thousands of dollars, which can then be used to further benefit the lives of your children.
- You and your children can move forward in a healthy fashion that focuses on building positive relationships.
- Your children will be better adjusted after the divorce.
- You will be in a better mindset to peacefully parent your children.
Your Children Can Still Succeed!
Statistics show that divorce can negatively affect a child’s performance in school. However, the majority of these statistics do not account for a peaceful divorce. The importance of a peaceful divorce are showcased in the powerful words of divorce expert Sarah Dessen, “But in the real world, you couldn’t really just split a family down the middle, mom on one side, dad the other, with the child equally divided between. It was like when you ripped a piece of paper into two: no matter how you tried the seams never fit exactly right again. It was what you couldn’t see, those tiniest of pieces, that were lost in the severing, and their absence kept everything from being complete.” These words ring with truth and showcase the value of achieving a peaceful divorce from day one.
After a divorce, you will not be the same family that you once were, but this is not necessarily a bad thing. There is a reason that you and your ex-spouse decided to get a divorce. Trying to force your family back together won’t make life easier for your children; in fact, it will probably make it all the more confusing. Instead, you need to recognize that your children will be emotionally affected by the divorce.
Children are most often emotionally affected in the following ways after a divorce:
- Children might act out in school if they are confused about the divorce.
- Children are most likely to feel a sense of relief if the divorce returns their parents to a peaceful state.
- Children are likely to play the game blame if parents aren’t open and honest.
- Children are happy to see their parents thrive after a divorce.
Like an adult, a child’s emotions can remain in flux after a divorce. Successfully understanding how your children are affected will help you to provide them with the emotional support that they need to fully recover. Only through nurturing love and support can you help your children adjust to their new family life.
Respecting Your Ex-Spouse Is A Key Component To Parenting In Peace
You cannot expect your children to respect you if they see you constantly disrespecting your ex-spouse. Instead of wanting to disrespect your ex-spouse every time that a challenge arises, you should instead focus on implementing strategic problem solving. When you strategically approach a problem you are able to put emotions to one side, so that you can more easily act in the best interest of your children. Although you and your ex did not make good spouses for each other, it does not mean you can’t be good parents together.
Think of your relationship with your ex-spouse as an entirely fresh start that begins when you recognize that he or she is a co-parent. The latter mentality will help you to reach the level of success that you need to successfully co-parent your children. Children with divorced parents who have a respectful and cooperative relationship are far more likely to feel:
- Secure and confident in their new post-divorce life;
- Benefit from consistency;
- Better understand how to approach and solve problems; and
- Receive a healthy relationship example to follow.
Parenting in peace is for everyone’s best interests: your children, your ex-spouse, and you. The key to co-parenting is to focus on the current and future needs of your children. By remaining kid-focused you can help your children adjust to their new family life which will, in turn, give them the foundational building blocks that they need to live a healthy and successful life. Remember that parenting in peace begins with your mindset.
It is no secret that divorce can be a challenging road to travel. Fortunately, it isn’t a road that you have to travel alone. For additional tips and advice on parenting in peace, please read the whole eBook, Dealing with Divorce: A Co-Parent’s Guide for free.