When you are in the middle of a divorce and children are involved, you have to prioritize their needs. Even when the divorce is highly contentious, it will make it easier on you to focus on the children and do what you think is best for them. In general, if the children have a loving relationship with both parents, it is always best that the children get to spend quality time with both parents. Whether they live with one parent, or they divide their living time between both parents, children need a predictable schedule right from the start
When your parents are splitting up, this creates chaos and confusion. There might be arguing, and one parent may leave the house unexpectedly. The best thing both parents can do for the children is to set up a custody arrangement as soon as possible. While the children may be confused at first, creating a custody and visitation schedule that gives both parents time with the children is essential. The faster you can set up a routine for your children, the quicker they will be able to adapt to new family dynamics.
Children Should Not be Part of the Arguments
Children should be kept away from any arguing between you and your former spouse. They won't understand what the argument is about, and children will often feel that they have done something wrong to cause the fighting. Most children feel responsible when their parents get a divorce, and it's important that they do not witness both parents fighting.
While it is beneficial to explain to the children in a divorce that the two parents are no longer going to be together, providing too much information can be confusing. Try to stay away from explaining your actions, and let your children know that you love them, that you will both care for them, and that you are no longer going to be married to their other parent. When you are clear about what you are doing without providing too many details, your children will be able to adjust without getting into analyzing the situation. When children are provided too much information, they will often look for ways to change the situation or to solve it.
Therapy May Help Your Child Adjust
When your parents get a divorce, there is a certain adjustment period that takes time. Many children find that therapy is a great support for them as they go through the changes that come with living with two parents in separate homes. Therapy offers your children a stable, consistent space where they can share their feelings and talk about the worries they may have about what is going on in their lives. It is important that children have an outlet, and therapy is a great way for your children to express their emotions.
When you are getting a divorce and children are involved, you have to try and be as civil as possible. Don't use the children as pawns, and keep them out of your arguing. Be as peaceful as you can when it comes to planning vacations, and work hard to get along in their presence.