LOBO -Predator Press
"Are you guys tech support?"
Even through the rubber jumpsuit, the guy in charge visibly squirmed. "Most customers don't contact us directly, as it ruins their immersion experience in the park."
Gesturing to Sapphire's lifeless body, I says "Well, what about that?"
"What happened?" he asked, fogging his plastic facemask.
"I told her her blue eyes were so stunning, they hit me with the cosmic force of suddenly being released from a sewage plant." I shrug, frustrated. "Why can't these things take compliments?"
The tech looked at his display. "It looks like using 'stunning sewage release' is her reboot command password."
"Is she Microsoft? I'm not doing this every day."
"Did you add any programs?"
I think for a second. "I told her to download her 'Saucy' profile. So she only wears one or two dresses at a time. She is going to poke someones eye out at the Cotillion."
"Huh," says the tech, still examining his readouts.
"Then I got more imaginative," I says. "Maybe the 'Saucy' profile needed a broader framework. You know, something darker. I mean you can't just ask a lady who wears three pairs of pajamas to sleep to just flip out and be a whore, right? So I included the 'Evil' add-on pack."
"The one that includes Hitler, Josef Mengele, Nero, Caligula, Kelly Ripa and Ann Coulter?"
Even as I point to my nose, Sapphire groggily moans awake. "Where am I?" she asks.
"Solved that problem," says the tech, gesturing hastily to the others. "Our work here is done. Let's go. Now!" Sapphire looked around curiously as they gathered their gear and fled. As he left, the head technician looked back at me and saluted, "Enjoy your vacation, sir!"
I waved enthusiastically.