I honestly thought that my previous post was half-baked, as I have not deemed to completely resolve one of the central conflicts of my previous chapter (5) And now that I am officially closing this chapter to give way to new shortcomings (I mean Chapter 6), I'd like to jot down some lessons I've learned the hard way as I persevered and withstood from the storms and shambles of Chapter 5. I can't even believe this chapter consumed an entire year, well thanks for that! It only means I got a long list to aid me towards opening a new saga, so when I encounter replicated scenarios, I just have to read this right?
1. When you feel lost, invisible, and left behind
It was dark. I was breathing, quietly breathing, but quietly inhaling ounces of hurt and insecurities, and worst, I had no one to pour them out. I forgot how to draw my frustrations out, I let people, even the close ones see the surface, but the rest never figured out. I used to forthrightly express myself when experiencing despair, but this stopped when the burdening caused more trouble than the comfort was worth. I never raised my SOS flag. I did not want to get in the way of people I care about, so I stepped out of their track for a while. If there's anything I wouldn't consider a catch, that would be how frequent I talked things out to Him, how I bargained and how He heard it.
Note to self:
You don't need to see what's around you, you don't need to constantly check the norms of the world and other people's axis to aggravate your pain. You just need to see what's ahead. If you feel invisible to the world, give zero fucks about that. Who needs to belong to who? But never let yourself be invisible to YOU, or this will cause the shit to start hitting the fan. Don't ever think that you are an unimportant character. None of us is special, neither unimportant. And if you feel left behind, always think that the one who blossomed late is the one who took the longest path, and probably the defeated but now indestructible, the broken but now constantly polishing the turd, the rejected and now rejecting what doesn't help them grow.
|Get to the first staircase.|
2. When it seems your efforts are not appreciated
There were times that I felt unappreciated, especially when I decide about changing parts of me to reinvent my life mantra. Looking back at this chapter, I was trying to be something that I'm not, or someone who has not even tried, or stopped improving. And they were right. I self-indulgently hid from the world, thought I could handle myself like a brave lone ranger, but I was wrong. There was not enough effort to patch things up. I was standing still, like how the earth was standing still on its axis. But unlike the earth which was still moving and circling around, I guess my 'still' was too immobile and unproductive.
Note to self:
If you feel unappreciated, you probably are, especially when you don't even acknowledge them yourself. If you feel you are only accomplishing small things, remember that every one is. Don't ever think that some kind of enchantment will magically dispel your deficiencies right now. A stairway is made up of staircases, so is rope built with strongly braided strands. If you want some sense of accomplishment, do it for yourself, little by little, and appreciate it afterwards. You'll never notice them piling and you'll no longer consider them "small", hi longer list!
3. When you dislike doing something because you think you can't do it
There were things I halfheartedly decided to do because I already evaluated myself prior doing it. I thought being a freelance graphic designer is just another pipe dream. I thought I won't be able to do my part and be of help to my teammate for finishing a project. I thought I'll never be able to open a new chapter because the current one looks helplessly crumbled. Then I just did.
Remember that declining to do something is the same with rejecting a newly found talent. You'll never know how good you are if you don't play and mess with the muddle. Don't be a passive learner. Ignorant people are those who believe they know enough and the wise one still craves for knowledge they think they lack. If you think a time is wasted for trying, at least you know now and can hop on other niches and finally see where you're good at, hence, never a time wasted. Never try and your time runs out? That my friend, is how you define regret.
4. When your optimism betrays you
Danger comes to a full glass when it suddenly spills. I'm a naturally optimistic person, but when my faith wavers, I hibernate for a long time, especially when all the hopes I held onto gave me pitch-black outcomes I could even hardly grasp.
Note to self:
Betray the pessimism. How? Know that some things cannot be undone and are no longer irreversible, so skip to another page. Never dwell for too long. Don't have high hopes, but don't kill the small flame either. I swear it works every time. Get ready for the worse, but don't embrace it. When a man loses his car, he'd frantically succumb to the loss, and even begrudge the unknown criminal. But when a child loses his candy, he'd whimper as loud as he could. Give him his favorite toy and he would whimsically stop the drama. Next thing you know his mother gave him a new candy. It's not in the age. It's in the perspective.
|Don't listen to those freaking voices.|
5. When you got berated for doing the wrong thing
I got berated for not listening, I already mentioned that, for the same fiascoes, for downgrading, for wasting time and chances, for doing the you're-no-longer-16-so-act-your-age kind of blunder. I am aware I should be a grownup by now, but you see, even grownups can be a mess on their bad hair-days.
Note to self:
When you fail to forget the face of the one who reprimanded you, always think it is nothing personal. They probably got hurt for placing enough trust on your credibility, or just having that pensive mood. Remember that the real enemies are the voices inside your head, the voices that add salt to your wound, voices that find faults and not solutions, and voices that make paranoia sting. So don't listen to those voices. Heed good words and listen to good people. They will give you the passport towards your best flight in life.
You probably were wondering about the secret key to officially close my Chapter 5. Chapter 6 will officially open the post-college world for me, so please be good. No no no, wait. So please have new learning experiences. I'm in.
From a 2015 graduate,
P.S Okay fixing post-issues. But hey! This part is where the warrior finally gets home and hugs his family. Hahahahaha.