Started 2014 with a loser face
Don't ask me why. Half of my previous year was too revolting to read that I almost had a writer's block. In spite of that, I was still wearing my glass-half-full goggles, if not most of the time, at least after I used to coil up every once in a while. And this year, I am so through hiding under my tusk shell. I will not, in any way, hide my feelings to a fault again because it just gets things worst. Last year, I lacked expressions of venting out my frustrations through cathartic releases, so I won't let this happen again. If anything, I am going to guarantee that 2015 will not be another facsimile of last year's curve balls, failed attempts, and missed opportunities. So before I get hysterical making endless pledges, I want to share some diamonds that I found last year,  as I searched the light at the end of the tunnel. 


Stronger Family Ties 
Punks! :)
Last year, I was given the best chance to strengthen my bonds with my family, and I don't just mean more frequent hangout with them. It was neither too deep, nor superficial, but I was able to muster some time to build a relationship the same way how I crane one with my good friends; Open up a bit more on the dining table, banter without disrespect, take a better mishmash of patience and understanding, these kinds of stuffs. I'm glad that albeit my passively verbal reciprocation, they appreciate the subtleties of my  sincerity through my action. 

Unbreakable Bonds 

Thank you for the unending quirks, crazies. 
I understand these days, how people can easily dismiss other people in their lives, especially when it's no longer convenient for them. I want to acknowledge some friends, who, albeit my best attempt to hide my discomfit, can still see the unnecessary liquid welling in my eyes, or friends who were not able to figure out completely because my obvious downpours were limited, but still responded on my nostalgic greetings, and are willing to stay in my succeeding chapters, and to some people who did not let the world drift our bonds apart as easy as paper peeling of in the rain. 

More Chances to Grow 

I experienced such situations where I got berated because I was not listening. It was also the time to patch up for some erroneous deeds I've done on important matters. That every time I bargain, He always gives it immediately. It's becoming a habit recently, so I'd probably get hard on myself if I don't do the deal. 

Deep-Waist Realizations 

2014 taught me that some things can be reused, but never the time wasted. As much as I would want to be spontaneous, I am trying to have that chronic planner side of me. Maybe not too much details, but a forthright direction to keep the surprise. I am quite the daydreamer, but a song chastised me and told me that dreamers get punished most by the truth, so this year, I will try another set of goggles and try my best to believe that it's just a half-glass, nothing else.


That about sums up my 2014. I don't think there was any secret ingredient, but I figured out that the bottom line in my previous year mishap is: I lost sight of who I really am. So never do, it's okay to smile for yourself, it's okay to feel raw too. It's okay to feel inadequate of love, appreciation, or even approval. Just keep your faith, and the Pandora's box need not smell your fears, because in the end of the day, you will just close it anyway. This entry's pretty late but it's one of my small ways to put closure between me and my upside down 2014. 

Adios bad ions. Shoo! 
Starting anew, 
Mendy-chan



P.S Looking forward to write my entire Chapter 6, just wrapping things up.