To dance even with sloppy feet
The conclusion of this year has triggered inner battles and caused me emotional turmoil throughout the latter months. Don't get me wrong. My first months were too eventful since I finally graduated and ended my College chapter, and on top of that, I had my first attempt thriving for a stable corporate job. I guess those things were the 'cloying' fragments of my own complacency. I've heard a lot about the grownup world. I hear warnings, but I don't heed them very well. I thought my previous shortcomings already handed me the complete manuals to finally grab the ideal life. But I was wrong (for the nth time). All it ever instructed me was how to tie these shoelaces. (and worse, no one oriented me that I will be tempted to walk barefoot in the grownup world, damn it). Every. Single. Time. 

I initially went to a nursing school during my freshman year without even trying to defy my parents' choice. 

I faltered. 

I finally got to shift to Information Technology to somehow relate my knacks until my hopes were crushed back and forth whenever my majors fell in shambles.

I faltered. 

But what's the ending? 

I never saw a trainwreck. I only saw sinking ships repeatedly brought back to the shore until I harbor enough time to set my sails again. I can safely say that we all have our own sinking ships and anchors that pull us back and dare us to be bolder. So NO. My faith and hope will always flicker as brightly as it used to each time life sees me as a laughingstock. Well life, this punk here is as foolhardy as you are. Shame on both of us! 

Unfortunately, 2015 was the ugliest pinnacle of my comfort zone. And they say nothing ever grows there. I am very good at disregarding my own thoughts just to look after someone else's welfare. I'd like to tell the world that the salt does still burn. But I will hold on. Because 2015 told me that it’s okay to set your own trend and stop following your peers’ shadows. It’s okay to be a slob for one day. It’s okay to admit that you are a 'Swiftie'. It's okay to be fascinated with nonsensical things. It’s okay to tell how much you love someone while it lasts. It's okay to stop bottling up your feelings. It’s okay to solidify your pipe dreams. It’s okay to take countless selfies. It’s okay to be distracted every once in a while. It’s okay to read the terms and conditions first because you learned enough from your fiasco. It’s okay to stick to your standards and let people fall away if they’re in the way. It’s okay to watch movies alone. It's okay to ask and stop second-guessing people's intentions. It's okay to be reasonably dumb on some scenarios and continuously learn from it. It's okay to take a break, but not downgrade. It's okay to dance to the world despite your sloppy feet. It's okay to have some selfishness.  It's okay to wear your flaws like fine jewelries. Basically, it's okay to be a simple person, and it's okay to destroy your tusk shell and anything that holds you back to reach your goals.

Confession of the year: I'm a VERY frustrated dancer 
BGM Source: (Dream High)
I'm sure the 19-year old Mendy who quoted this blog as 'Breathing in stressful air since 1992' will die from decent laughter if she sees me now. Because today, I choose to look back, only to see how far I've come. For the most part, I now believe that time machine doesn't seem that futile at all. 


Till next time punk!  
Yours truly,
Mendy 

(p.s I'm truly sorry that this blog had to go through a 7-month hiatus)