I can't say I wasn't warned.  About a week ago, I read some commentary on Savages from Imagos Films Director Don Thacker and screenwriter Danny Giovannini.  In a nutshell, they said, "Wow, I wish this movie had never been made." That seemed extreme to me, and frankly their theatrical tastes don't always align with my own. Besides, Salma Hayak is one of the most beautiful women in the world, and we like John Travolta (usually) and Blake Lively.  We loved her in The Town, and from the previews, this seemed like a similar role.

We weren't more than ten minutes into the movie, though, before I started fearing that we were going to be in complete agreement this time around.  The narration was so bad that I began to suspect they'd gone into a Twilight fan fiction forum and randomly chosen a 12-year-old from that group to write the screenplay.

I think that Tori had one moment of brief interest while she thought about what had gone into creating the bloody heads lying around on the floor after the big chainsaw beheading, but after that we lost her entirely. About half an hour into the film, I looked over to ask her whether she wanted to leave and discovered that she was sound asleep--at 7:45 p.m.

The premise of the three-way relationship between the "business partner" drug dealers and their shared girlfriend could have been interesting, but it wasn't; none of the relationships was well developed and none of the issues the unusual arrangement would have raised were given more than a passing mention.  Likewise, the relationship between "O" (Blake Lively) and her kidnapper (Salma Hayak) hinted at the interesting; the drug queen's relationship with her own daughter was strained, and she seemed to harbor an honest affection for the young woman she was holding hostage.  But there, too, the relationship and characters remained superficial and the nuances were announced to us more than developed.

Finally (and this is something of a spoiler), the one mildly interesting scene in the movie, which appeared to reveal some character development, turned out not actually to have occurred.  There were a couple of pretty gruesome scenes if you're into that kind of thing, and you get to see Blake Lively get it on with two very different men if you're into that kind of thing.  But if you wanted characters you cared about or a story worth following or a script that seems to have been written by a grown-up, you might want to try something else...anything else.