|Overlooking the city of Kyoto from Tori Gates|
My Japan trip was one of those flashbacks I wish I could go back to every once in a while. Don't get me wrong, I could've died of euphoria right now thinking, what did I deserve to have this chance? I'm just a third-rate, outdated anime otaku who knows nothing but Bleach and Naruto, and maybe some 90's series.
But that doesn't matter now. All I know was it took me a while to figure out which path I am going to from now on. My trip was not as seamless as I imagined. I recalled having a stupefied expression all the time due to my unfamiliarity with their train and subway system. While my friend could easily catch up with such tremendous pace, I'm being swallowed whole with the incorrect platforms. My Nihongo, which I thought was good enough, could not even compare to a beginner's module, and some other grownup issues I was forced to face when you don't have someone else to fully rely on.
There's a small pang in my chest that I wasn't able to fully prepare for this trip, these are the times that my half-hearted resolve crushed me again and it showed with my failed independence. Again, don't get me wrong, my overall impression to this country and its culture and people will always be unspeakably and undeniably beautiful.
And I'm grateful for this experience for tapping me once again, for making me get back to my core, for making me realize where I should be heading to at this point, and for rubbing to my face that I still love someone (and there is nothing wrong with it).
Thank you, Japan. You just did not make the 16-year old Mendy-chan happy upon fulfilling her pipe dream, you also gave the adult one a purposeful goal for her life and ambition, which won't be spilled at the moment.