noIt’s Friday night. The sun’s been down for hours. You don’t want to go out because you don’t have much energy and lost the desire of doing anything really. So you download a couple dating apps, get a cold beer from the fridge and figure this might be a good way to get distracted.

You match with a few people and begin to feel good. Maybe you will meet someone that can distract you from your ex. Eventually you decide to go out on a date. While hanging out, you notice something right away. You start to see every flaw this person has, that your ex doesn’t. Everything you loved about your ex is now heightened. Now your ex has become even stronger in your mind than ever before.

You have just taken 3 steps backward.

It’s tempting to go down the dating-after-a-breakup road. There’s so many dating apps out there right now, that it’s very, very easy to get distracted, but what you don’t know is that the good-feeling you get is temporary and in the long run you are making it harder to stick to the system.

When you start to date right away, as soon as something goes unplanned or the person you are dating does something unattractive you just enhanced your ex all over again. You will begin to think if you will ever meet someone like them again. You will wonder. And you will start to think if you should text them. Did you mess up? Were they right all along? Sh*t.

You see how it starts a domino effect of thinking? This isn’t good and it just makes your ex seem more valuable than they really are.

Dating after a breakup is like gambling. You are risking your emotions. How you feel correlates to your happiness.

To get to the next level and make sure you don’t make this mistake, make sure you pass up on all dates. Wait it out. Don’t do any of these.

Even if you meet a girl that’s superior in some ways, you still might feel that your ex is more valuable. The reality is that you are blind right now to your ex’s flaws. You see, you were very familiar with everything about your ex and now meeting a new person will not be as comfortable because you don’t know them on the same level.

For now, focus on making yourself happy and do your best not to think about your ex. So, how do you know when you should date again?

There’s 2 indications. Make sure you are good on both and then you will be ready.

Dating benchmark #1: When you are 80% happy on your own and don’t feel like that happiness depends on anyone.

Dating benchmark #2: When you stop hoping for your ex to text you.

Cool? Cool.

If you have a different perspective or think this makes sense, I would love to hear your story.


Payam Pakmanesh, is the author of and the #1 get-your-ex-back in the app store ‘Get Your Ex Back – An Easy Step-By-Step Guide’. He’s fanatical about self-improvement and growing as a person. Sign up for his newsletter and receive a free copy of his e-book “Get Your Ex Back: 5 Texts You Should Never, Ever Send,” about how to respark that attraction and what you shouldn’t do before you lose your ex forever.